You can all be jealous of me now.

Ok people, time to get jealous, maybe even throw a little hate my way.  I am all done Christmas shopping.  Yes, presents AND stockings.  Not only is everything bought, but they are all wrapped as well.  And this has all been done for two weeks (and I didn't even step out the door on Black Friday).

I am not one of those overachieving moms that I love to make fun of.  I am the furthest thing from it.  What I am is cheap with a side of OCD.  My husband and I decided to get the boys Tablets for Christmas this year.  Tablets, not Ipads (I am still a lunch lady after all and we definitely did not win the Powerball).  It was a selfish reason for me, I was sick of the kids stealing my phone.  Alan on the other hand just said "Ya, whatever" but I am sure he will spend plenty of time saying "Get off the damn tablets and go outside" like he currently does everyday with the Wii.

I thought about Tablets last year for Christmas.  I started browsing Amazon in November and saw that the prices weren't too bad.  However, by the time I was ready to purchase them in December the price had tripled.  I decided to be smart this year and start looking in August.  They were purchased in September for a whopping $52 each.  Currently the same tablets are $200 on Amazon.  Well done mommy!  The only problem is now they can really be considered used because I was playing with them, a lot, since I received them.  That is one of the reasons all the presents are wrapped, I needed to stop playing with them.

The rest of my shopping was done on Cyber Monday.  I don't know who invented this gem but I love them for it.  While all the crazy people were out freezing their asses off in front of Walmart on Thanksgiving I was spending quality time with my family (isn't that what Thanksgiving is really about).  Then Monday came around, I sent the kids off the school and sat my butt down in front of the computer.  I had $50 worth of Amazon.com gift cards to play with as well.  Let's just say that I ended up only spending an additional $27 that day and was able to completely finish my shopping.  And the gifts weren't even cheap crap.  I got both the boys all the stuff they asked for (well, all the stuff they really, really wanted, if I got them all they asked for I would me moving Toys R Us into my back yard).  Each kid has 11 presents plus the Tablets.  Again, well done Mommy!

The worst part of it all was trying to figure out what Santa was giving them and what Alan I were were taking credit for.  When the kids got the Wii for Christmas a few years ago the fat man got credit for that.  I learned really quick that I did not like Santa getting credit for the big gift.  All I have heard for 3 years is how awesome Santa is because he brought a Wii.  Damn Santa, that was all me!!  Needless to say the Tablets are going to be from us (just like the Nintendo Ds's a few years ago were).  I sorted the rest of the toys and found myself giving the boys all the really good stuff from us and Santa giving the Lava Lamps (yes I got the kids Lava Lamps).  I figured I couldn't make Santa look bad because then I would really lose that whole "Santa is watching you" threat when the kids throw back "Ya well he brought us Connect Four last year so who cares".  Now Santa is getting the real good stuff (except the tablets) and the boys are getting Lava Lamps and Connect Four from us.

I must say that I really luck out with the gift giving.  I have somewhere along the lines of 30 nieces and nephews and 8 grand nieces and nephews (I know I am way to young to be a grand aunt but hey my hubby is the youngest of 8).  I only have one niece that lives on this side of the ocean, that would be my brother's daughter.  She gets a gift.  It costs more money to ship crap over to Ireland than I pay for it so I stopped sending gifts there long ago.  They all got their gift in November when I sent Alan over for a visit.  Merry Christmas, have fun with your uncle.  Alan and I don't exchange gifts, we haven't in several years.  He really hates shopping and never knew what to get me.  It was better to nip that one in the bud before it was too late.  We also stopped exchanging with my folks because we are all just too old for that crap.  As for my big brother, he would give me cash and I would give him cash so we just decided to keep our own cash.

So there ya have it.  Hate me if you want but I am going to sit back and relax for the next two weeks while I watch everybody else running around in a panic.  I know I would rather watch National Lampoons Christmas Vacation with my family for the 100th time then be trapped in the mall with shoppers freaking out at the last minute.

My Christmas Letter

I know I have been in hiding lately but here I am making a Christmas appearance.  I received my first Christmas Letter in the mail last week.  You know what I mean, those long letters telling you every little thing the family member that you never see (and really couldn't care less if you ever saw again) did in the past year?  Honestly, I have thought about writing them.  Then I figured that every person I give a damn about knows my life story thanks to Facebook so it would be a waste of my time.  However, there is the bitchy side of me that has always wanted to write a Christmas Letter spoof and send it out the the three or so people that don't follow me on Facebook.  I was thinking it could go something like this:

Dear Friends and Family,

Another year is almost at an end and the McGinley Family has survived.  We have had some good and some bad but the most important thing is that we are still standing.

We are thankful that Alan was granted parole halfway through the year.  Luckily his boss even let him go back to work after their little scuffle that put him in the big house in the first place.  See, it does pay to be good at your job.  He does continue to receive phone calls from some guy named Bubba who he claims not to know but the phone number that come up an the caller ID is from the prison.

The boys had a great year as well.  Johnny has only been suspended 5 times this school year.  Down from 28 last year.  However he does spend most of his time with the Principal.  Liam on the other hand is so scared of getting in trouble that he just stays home most days.  He's smart enough anyways, who needs the hastle of school?

My mom went and bought herself one of those fancy new tablet computers.  Now she is on Facebook.  That kind of is a bummer for me.  I have really had to tone down my facebooking as to not let my mom in on the classy girl she raised.

My dad has moved to Idaho.  After the election he couldn't stand living in Vermont anymore.  I don't know exactly what happened but I believe I heard "Too many liberals, must get out".  Alan and I also thought of moving after the election.  Johnny wanted to go to Kentucky where his idol "The Turtleman" lives but after looking into we found that they wouldn't let us in as we have too many teeth.  

As for me, it has been a quiet year.  I am happy to announce that I have made it through yet another year without getting "knocked up".  Don't think we all could go through that again.  Still living the dream in lunch lady land.  Thanks to the First Lady my job is so much more enjoyable.  So many new rules and regulations.  And what kids doesn't love Corn and Black Bean Salad?  It really just makes it all extra fun.

So here we are at the end of the year.  So much to be thankful for.  Now onto 2013 (this is if we survive the apocalypse on Dec 21st).

Love

The McGinley's

Hell in a Pinterest Inspired Hand Basket

So here we are on Wednesday.  My kids are in Vermont, my husband is at work and I have the whole day off.  I have big plans for today.  They involve closing my curtains, popping in a movie and not doing a damn thing all day.  I NEVER get days like this and I plan to take full advantage of doing nothing.  I need to relax and refresh before Patriots Training Camp starts tomorrow and it is all out kiddies at the restaurant and double shifts for me.

Of course before I do nothing I had to check Pinterest.  I can't get my day started without it, it is a bit obsessive.  I saw a post on that I knew I would have to blog about.  It reminds me that yes, I am going to hell in a very nice, pinterest inspired hand basket.

Yup, I am guilty of this.

After seeing this it got me thinking about all the less than wonderful things I have done in my life.  I really do try to be a good person.  I make my kids go to CCD (for those of you non Catholics that is religious education) although we rarely go to church (sorry Brother Sean).  I volunteer my time in various things.  I bring my 98 year old grandmother her medication and quarts of milk when my aunt isn't around to do it.  I have stood by my husband's side through various crap that most wives wouldn't.  And I am raising two little boys with having jumped off a cliff or thrown them over.

But let's be serious, I am far from perfect.  And that little gem of a Pinterest pin reminded me of it.  Yes, I have commented with my friends about another friend's really ugly kid.  Yes, I felt bad about it but honestly, it was the parents fault.  They really could have done things to help this poor kid out.  She probably could be really cute if they just did a little grooming, or waxing.  Ok, I am so going to hell.  But at least my friends will be there with me, oh and my mom, she was in on it too.

Then there is the foot spa incident.  I really had forgotten about that until my best friend's pain in the ass daughter reminded me about it, several times, in the last two weeks.  A few years ago when I was putting my bags in my car after a trip to Walmart I noticed a Foot Spa in a cart. This cart was in the middle of about fifty other carts all stacked up together.  It wasn't in a bag but it was still in the box, brand new.  I personally don't know why it was there but it had been there for a while, hence it being in the middle of fifty carts.  I pulled the carts apart and picked up the foot spa.  Clearly it was left there for me for my poor aching feet.  I am a waitress and lunch lady after all.  In the car it went. 

Add about another 40 carts to this and you will see why I truly believed this Spa had been there for a long time, waiting for me.

The friend I had with me on this shopping trip told me I was a bad person for doing this.  My best friend told me that karma was going to get me.  Then there was the troll, oops I mean other friend, no, I mean troll that told me that I did the right thing and it was finders keepers.  I should have listened to my best friend as she is the one that is always right.  I don't remember how karma did get me as it was a few years ago but I remember when it did she was there to remind me why.

I have still never used the damn thing, I feel too guilty.  My husband loves it though.

I have a whole list of other things that would probably send me to hell but I am afraid that my nephew who is a Catholic brother will disown me if he knew so I am going to leave you all hanging.  Plus, I have a redbox rental and a chicken patty sandwich calling my name right now.  The one comforting thing that I have is that you will all probably be right there with me (except Brother Sean that is).

Top 10 Reason I Love Summer Vacation!

Ok, I am back and as promised I have the follow up to the reasons I am ready for summer to be over.  I have made it through four fun filled weeks and have racked my brain trying to come up with this list.  I have had that whole positive thinking thing going on and I think for once it has actually worked.  So here we go, in no particular order as all these reasons are so fabulous I just couldn't possibly rank them.

10) CAMP
       Yes, the kiddies have started summer camp.  Whoever the genius was that created this wonderful thing has my everlasting love.  My kids go to the Rec Dept camp in my town so it is dirt cheap.  They play outside for six straight hours and come home exhausted.  I even dished out the cash for them to go for three weeks instead of two this year.  They are in their second week now and I have loved every second of it (they have too).  Plus, as an extra added bonus, the guy that runs it was my field hockey coach in High School and I loved the time my son came home amazed last year when Coach told him that I was a great athlete, thus sending me into thoughts of my "glory days" when I actually got off my ass and exercised.

9) VERMONT
      Ah, the beautiful Green Mountain State.  I am sure you are all thinking I am taking my family on a wonderful, relaxing vacation.  Ha, no not quite, it is even better.  My parents actually live there and seeing that they don't get to see their grand kids very much they are taking them for TWO WHOLE WEEKS!  It is my favorite part of the summer.  Now don't get me wrong, I love my kids, really I do, but do you really think I am going to pass up TWO WHOLE WEEKS without them? 

8) GETTING CRAP DONE
     Well, after reading numbers 9 and 10 you are probably wondering what I am doing with all my free time.  As sad as it is, I am cleaning.  I know that sounds sucky but seriously, I don't get the chance to do it the rest of the year.  My house is so clean and organized right now I don't know that to do with myself.  Oh wait, yes I do.  Now I have resorted to watching She-Ra on Netfilx while they are gone because damn it, I loved that 80's cartoon when I was a kid.

Cleaning before

Cleaning after

 

Love this show!

7) HANGING WITH THE BFF
    I have had the same best friend forever.  I love her dearly and I rarely get to see her during the school year.  We are just busy people.  Between the kids being in school all day and working two jobs and she lives a couple towns away I just can't make it happen as often as I would like.  But then comes summer.  Oh and did I mention she has a pool.  Oh and two sons that are about the same ages as my two sons.  There is nothing I enjoy more than heading over to her place for a fun filled day.  The kids are happy, we are happy, and I get to make fun of Justin Bieber in front of her 15 year old daughter.  It really is quite perfect.

Hanging at the pool.  See, Weight Watchers is really working for me.

6)  BBQ's
     See number 7.  This is what we do when the husbands are around too.  Men do love grilling meat products after all.

5) ONLY ONE JOB!
     It does kinda suck that I lose the lunch lady paycheck in the summer but it is hard to complain when I don't have to deal with 300 elementary school kids demanding their chicken nuggets on a daily basis.

4) EGGS
    For some reason the chickens are super eggs layers in the summer.  I have more of the delicious things than I know what to do with.  I have been making egg salad, deviled eggs, quiche, and many other eggie delights.  My bff's family seems to be the ones reaping the benefits however since I always seem to bring them to her house as my family can only eat so much.

Yum, I made it all by myself (my kids hated it but my bff's family loved it)

3) BROWN GRASS
     I know that most people want nice green lawns.  I usually do too but it has been so damn hot lately that the last thing I want to do it mow the lawn.  Thankfully the hot weather cause the grass to die.  Now I don't have to cut it.  Win Win situation there.

Yup, looks like my yard.

2) TRUE BLOOD
     I freaking love this show.  I pay for HBO for three months just so I can watch it every night in the summer.  Plus, it is all that is on TV in the summer.

Love me some Eric!

1) FLIP FLOPS
    I LOVE FLIP FLOPS.  It is all I wear in the summer.  I even painted my toenails for them.  IT pains me when the cold weather comes and I have to put them in my cold, dark closet. 

Happy Summer to all!

Top 10 Reasons I Am ready for Summer To Be Over

Summer Vacation has finally come.  Actually it started at 12:00 last Tuesday in my world to be exact.  I was actually really looking forward to it this year.  My husband is back to work so I have been able to stop waitressing so damn much.  I was also was looking forward to a break from Lunch Lady Land for a couple of months.  I was excited for some quality time with the kids.  Well, that was then and this is a week into reality.  So here I go, counting down the reasons I am ready for September 6th to arrive.

1. SICK OF HEARING "WHAT ARE WE DOING TODAY?"
    Last Tuesday night I called my kids from work to say goodnight.  My youngest said to me "What are we doing tomorrow?"  I replied with "Going to Auntie Jessica's pool."  I was pretty happy that I had actually already made plans.  He replied to me with "Then what are we doing after that?"  I was going to shoot myself.  Seriously, school had ended eight hours ago and I am already hearing this.  It has now continued on EVERY morning for the past eight days. 

2. HAD ENOUGH OF KIDS AT THE RESTAURANT
    Summer vacation also means parents looking for things to do with the kids (much like me) so what better thing to do than take them out to eat.  Anybody that has been a regular reader of my blog in the past knows how I feel about kids at the restaurant so I feel no need to continue on with this one.

Yes, welcome to my work world.

3. HEAT WAVES
    I am not a fan of the heat.  However, I can deal as long as it stays below 85.  Of course, the first full day of vacation is was 100 degrees and humid as well.  It continued on like that for 3 more days.  Thankfully I have friends with pools.  And that is where we were all week.  Now I hear that we have another heatwave coming tomorrow.  Of course this burst of hell weather falls on the days I have to work.  There is nothing worse than putting on long black pants with socks and sneakers when it is 100 friggin degrees.  Plus, the air conditioning where I work is very temperamental.  I have been crying since I watched the news.  Also, I am not one of those parents that can afford to take my kids out to my restaurant for dinner to entertain them.  I have to cook, in my hot kitchen, with my oven on.  I only have so many crock pot recipes after all.

Sounds about right.

4. THE CHICKEN COOP SMELLS
    Those damn chickens of mine stink to high heaven in the summer.  I feel like all I do is clean it out in the summer and it is NOT a fun job.  Between the heat and humidity it smells like something died in there.  All so I can get free eggs, ugh!

HAHA the pigeon coops smell too.

5. THERE ARE ONLY SO MANY FREE THINGS TO DO AND WE HAVE DONE THEM ALL
    Yes, I am cheap.  I hate paying to entertain my kids.  And they hate to not be entertained.  I have looked up every free thing I could do in this state.  The kids are sick of hiking.  I hate the beach.  In between heat waves it has been too crappy for the pool.  Even though there is a company that hosts Free Fun Fridays across the state, that is only once a week and the offering this year kind of suck. 

How come my kids don't look this happy when hiking?

6. CAMP HASN'T STARTED YET
     Maybe my attitude will change in a couple of weeks when the kids start camp.  They are going for three weeks to a local camp that is dirt cheap and the kids love.  However, it hasn't started yet, and that makes me bitter.  What the hell is taking so long for it to get here?

Yes, they will still be bugging when when camp starts.

7. MY HUSBAND IS CRANKY
    Although this is an occurrence that happens all year, it is worse in the summer.  He is a mason which means he spends a lot of time outside.  He is required to wear jeans and work boots to work everyday.  He is on a roof a lot.  He takes 10 t shirts a day with him to work because he sweats through them so much.  His back is also not feeling great thanks to those herniated disks so needless to say, he is a barral of laughs when he gets home.  Not that I can blame him, I would probably be the same way.

8. NEVER ENDING LAUNDRY
    See Number 7 for this one.  Yes, 10 t shirts a day.  Oh and bathing suits, towels, muddy sneakers, you get the point.

9.  BUGS
     Bugs suck, bite, sting and swarm.  They love my yard thanks to number 4 on my list.  Enough said.

10. LACK OF JOB MEANS LACK OF PAYCHECK
      I am always excited about the Lunch Lady gig giving me the summer off until it dawns on me that I lose a paycheck.  Tomorrow is my last payday until mid September (from that job at least).  I survived with one job for a long time, but when you become accustomed to that little (and I mean little) bit of extra money every two weeks it hurts when it stops.

So there you have it.  My top ten reasons why I am ready for September.  Let me assure you however I am not totally cynical.  I am sure I can come up with 10 reason why I am happy summer is here.  Ok, maybe 5.  I need to save those for my next posting however.

And to think I used to like Paula Deen.

So I have a little time before I am off to BBQ so I figured since it has been requested of me to tell the story about the evil Paul Deen look a like I dealt with at work last week I would put it out there.

As you all know I am a waitress.  I have been at the same place for four years.  It is at Gillette Stadium (yes, home of the New England Patriots).  We deal with a lot of crazy stuff over at the stadium, depending on what kind of events are booked.  Last week it was the NCAA Lacrosse Finals.  It was three days of pure hell.

On event days we are supposed to park over in East Bum fuck.  For anybody who has been to Gillette, we park at Bass Pro Shop on these days.  My restaurant is located as far away from there as you can get.  I give it a good mile walk.  So thanks to lacrosse hell that was our designated parking area for the weekend.  Seeing that I am a rebel I wasn't gonna deal with that so I parked illegally.  Hey, I didn't get caught so no harm done, right?

The managers were expecting a very busy weekend.  Actually, I was too.  It turned out to be a total dud.  It was beautiful outside so everybody was tailgating.  It was the slowest Saturday night I have worked in a very long time.  It was a good thing I brought Mr. Grey with me as I got to pound out a good 200 pages of my book that night.

We did have a private function booked for the first floor.  It was for the Maryland Lacrosse team that had played the late game of the day.  They had booked the event for 150 people.  The staff working the event was all ready for them.  What they weren't ready for was the 300 people that showed up.  The event ended up being understaffed and the food that had been ordered for it was not enough to feed the 300 rabid college kids that were there.

The managers were running around like crazy trying to prepare more food.  I really felt for Russ, Ryan, Pete and Greg as they were truly doing all they could to fix a situation that they had no control over.  They had two other floors of regular guests to take care of in addition to the mess downstairs.  I was working on the second floor taking care of my own tables but I heard about what was going on downstairs so I took a peek ever the railing to check it out.  Big mistake there.

Next thing I know the Paula Deen look a like comes running up the stairs.  I was so not prepared for her.  She runs over to me, gets in my face and the abuse begins.  First of all, let me put on the record that I really had no idea that Maryland was considered the deep south.  This lady sounded straight out of True Blood Bon Temps Louisiana.  She starts poking me in the chest with her index finder and shouting "Y'all need to get downstairs and cleaning my tables!"  My first response was "Excuse Me?"  She then followed up with "Y'all are standing up here doing nothing when my people need to be taken care of.  There is no food and the place is a mess.  Y'all get your ass downstairs now!"

Ok, first of all, I certainly do not deserve abuse from any guest like she was dishing out.  For one, I am not  a busser, I am a server.  Second, I had my own guests to take care of, guests that I am actually being paid to take care of.  Third, oh no you did not really just touch me!  That is my biggest pet peeve, there is no reason for a guest to EVER touch me.

I turned my back and walked away and found Ryan in the kitchen to deal with her.  Well, after I walked away she started in on Charlotte, the hostess.  Seriously, the hostess, whose job it is to seat people.  I love Charlotte to death and it really pissed me off that she was "Y'all ed" as well.  Thankfully for Charlotte, our executive chef Pete stepped in to sort the crap out.  Now I have seen Pete mad before, more times than I can count, and I have been on the receiving end of Pete's anger, it is not pretty.  I was siked that he was going to be the one to sort this crazy lady out.  Thankfully he was able to calm her down and send her back down stair to her people.

I seriously hid from her the rest of the night whenever she came upstairs with a new rant.  I have a short temper as anybody that works with me will confirm.  I somewhat like my job and I knew if I had come across her again I would end up fired.  I can only image what the poor staff that actually had to work the event had to deal with.

It all did have a happy ending however.  Maryland lost in the finals to Loyola so out PD look a like got her just desserts in the end.  Karma will always come back to get you. 

Excuses Excuses Excuses

Ok, here I am again with some blame for why I haven't been updated my blog.  I have several reasons actually.  First and foremost is my current obsession with Christian Grey.  Thankfully I am almost done with the series and can get back to normal life.  I have also managed to find a website that sells the silver balls.  For those of you that have read the books, go to Benwaballs.net, for those that haven't never mind.  Oh and to my dear nephew, Brother Sean (he is a Catholic Brother who spends a lot of time at the Vatican), please just don't go there, I don't want you thinking horrible things about your dear Auntie.

My idea of Mr. Grey, yum

I also need to place some blame on the History Channel.  I became totally engrossed in their miniseries, Hatfields and McCoys.  It was three nights of fantastic historical drama.  For those of you that don't know, I am a major history buff.  I have traced my family tree back many many many years and even have two Mayflower peeps in my tree.  I totally love anything to do with history, especially the 1800's in America.  After watching that series I have spent many hours researching the real story and how true the movie was (it wasn't off too bad).

Reason number three is that I have some wonderful friends that have pools.  It has been hot as hell the last few weeks and I have been enjoying some pre summer pool parties.  I am sun burnt and tired but it has been well worth it.  We are looking forward to another pool party on Sunday at my BFF's house complete with BBQ.  Woohoo, I can't wait.  It is making me even more eager to get the last 13 days of school over with so we can be on vacation and I can spend my days with good friends, poolside, before I have to go to hell at the night job.

My next reason is that last weekend was Lacrosse Hell at my night job.  I was verbally assaulted by a Paula Dean lookalike on Saturday night and it kinda put me in a really foul mood for a few days.  Although it was good fodder for the blog, I was too angry at the crazy bitch to go there.

Some smaller reasons were in no particular order:  Game of Thrones (if the midget dies I am going to be totally pissed and never watch again), the season finally of Revenge (that show give me some great ideas), explaining to my son about porn pop up on the computer (and no, it wasn't on my computer, nor did it have to do with Fifty Shades), my obsession with Pinterest and Facebook, job interviews and digging a new fire pit (which looks damn good if I don't say so myself).

I love this guy, he is the best thing about Thrones.

Love my new fire pit!  Now if I can just get the grass around it to grow.

So there you have it.  School is over on the 19th of June so I am looking forward to getting some serious blogging in then.  I have lots of topics on the backburner that are dying to come out.