Hell in a Pinterest Inspired Hand Basket

So here we are on Wednesday.  My kids are in Vermont, my husband is at work and I have the whole day off.  I have big plans for today.  They involve closing my curtains, popping in a movie and not doing a damn thing all day.  I NEVER get days like this and I plan to take full advantage of doing nothing.  I need to relax and refresh before Patriots Training Camp starts tomorrow and it is all out kiddies at the restaurant and double shifts for me.

Of course before I do nothing I had to check Pinterest.  I can't get my day started without it, it is a bit obsessive.  I saw a post on that I knew I would have to blog about.  It reminds me that yes, I am going to hell in a very nice, pinterest inspired hand basket.

Yup, I am guilty of this.

After seeing this it got me thinking about all the less than wonderful things I have done in my life.  I really do try to be a good person.  I make my kids go to CCD (for those of you non Catholics that is religious education) although we rarely go to church (sorry Brother Sean).  I volunteer my time in various things.  I bring my 98 year old grandmother her medication and quarts of milk when my aunt isn't around to do it.  I have stood by my husband's side through various crap that most wives wouldn't.  And I am raising two little boys with having jumped off a cliff or thrown them over.

But let's be serious, I am far from perfect.  And that little gem of a Pinterest pin reminded me of it.  Yes, I have commented with my friends about another friend's really ugly kid.  Yes, I felt bad about it but honestly, it was the parents fault.  They really could have done things to help this poor kid out.  She probably could be really cute if they just did a little grooming, or waxing.  Ok, I am so going to hell.  But at least my friends will be there with me, oh and my mom, she was in on it too.

Then there is the foot spa incident.  I really had forgotten about that until my best friend's pain in the ass daughter reminded me about it, several times, in the last two weeks.  A few years ago when I was putting my bags in my car after a trip to Walmart I noticed a Foot Spa in a cart. This cart was in the middle of about fifty other carts all stacked up together.  It wasn't in a bag but it was still in the box, brand new.  I personally don't know why it was there but it had been there for a while, hence it being in the middle of fifty carts.  I pulled the carts apart and picked up the foot spa.  Clearly it was left there for me for my poor aching feet.  I am a waitress and lunch lady after all.  In the car it went. 

Add about another 40 carts to this and you will see why I truly believed this Spa had been there for a long time, waiting for me.

The friend I had with me on this shopping trip told me I was a bad person for doing this.  My best friend told me that karma was going to get me.  Then there was the troll, oops I mean other friend, no, I mean troll that told me that I did the right thing and it was finders keepers.  I should have listened to my best friend as she is the one that is always right.  I don't remember how karma did get me as it was a few years ago but I remember when it did she was there to remind me why.

I have still never used the damn thing, I feel too guilty.  My husband loves it though.

I have a whole list of other things that would probably send me to hell but I am afraid that my nephew who is a Catholic brother will disown me if he knew so I am going to leave you all hanging.  Plus, I have a redbox rental and a chicken patty sandwich calling my name right now.  The one comforting thing that I have is that you will all probably be right there with me (except Brother Sean that is).

Top 10 Reason I Love Summer Vacation!

Ok, I am back and as promised I have the follow up to the reasons I am ready for summer to be over.  I have made it through four fun filled weeks and have racked my brain trying to come up with this list.  I have had that whole positive thinking thing going on and I think for once it has actually worked.  So here we go, in no particular order as all these reasons are so fabulous I just couldn't possibly rank them.

10) CAMP
       Yes, the kiddies have started summer camp.  Whoever the genius was that created this wonderful thing has my everlasting love.  My kids go to the Rec Dept camp in my town so it is dirt cheap.  They play outside for six straight hours and come home exhausted.  I even dished out the cash for them to go for three weeks instead of two this year.  They are in their second week now and I have loved every second of it (they have too).  Plus, as an extra added bonus, the guy that runs it was my field hockey coach in High School and I loved the time my son came home amazed last year when Coach told him that I was a great athlete, thus sending me into thoughts of my "glory days" when I actually got off my ass and exercised.

9) VERMONT
      Ah, the beautiful Green Mountain State.  I am sure you are all thinking I am taking my family on a wonderful, relaxing vacation.  Ha, no not quite, it is even better.  My parents actually live there and seeing that they don't get to see their grand kids very much they are taking them for TWO WHOLE WEEKS!  It is my favorite part of the summer.  Now don't get me wrong, I love my kids, really I do, but do you really think I am going to pass up TWO WHOLE WEEKS without them? 

8) GETTING CRAP DONE
     Well, after reading numbers 9 and 10 you are probably wondering what I am doing with all my free time.  As sad as it is, I am cleaning.  I know that sounds sucky but seriously, I don't get the chance to do it the rest of the year.  My house is so clean and organized right now I don't know that to do with myself.  Oh wait, yes I do.  Now I have resorted to watching She-Ra on Netfilx while they are gone because damn it, I loved that 80's cartoon when I was a kid.

Cleaning before

Cleaning after

 

Love this show!

7) HANGING WITH THE BFF
    I have had the same best friend forever.  I love her dearly and I rarely get to see her during the school year.  We are just busy people.  Between the kids being in school all day and working two jobs and she lives a couple towns away I just can't make it happen as often as I would like.  But then comes summer.  Oh and did I mention she has a pool.  Oh and two sons that are about the same ages as my two sons.  There is nothing I enjoy more than heading over to her place for a fun filled day.  The kids are happy, we are happy, and I get to make fun of Justin Bieber in front of her 15 year old daughter.  It really is quite perfect.

Hanging at the pool.  See, Weight Watchers is really working for me.

6)  BBQ's
     See number 7.  This is what we do when the husbands are around too.  Men do love grilling meat products after all.

5) ONLY ONE JOB!
     It does kinda suck that I lose the lunch lady paycheck in the summer but it is hard to complain when I don't have to deal with 300 elementary school kids demanding their chicken nuggets on a daily basis.

4) EGGS
    For some reason the chickens are super eggs layers in the summer.  I have more of the delicious things than I know what to do with.  I have been making egg salad, deviled eggs, quiche, and many other eggie delights.  My bff's family seems to be the ones reaping the benefits however since I always seem to bring them to her house as my family can only eat so much.

Yum, I made it all by myself (my kids hated it but my bff's family loved it)

3) BROWN GRASS
     I know that most people want nice green lawns.  I usually do too but it has been so damn hot lately that the last thing I want to do it mow the lawn.  Thankfully the hot weather cause the grass to die.  Now I don't have to cut it.  Win Win situation there.

Yup, looks like my yard.

2) TRUE BLOOD
     I freaking love this show.  I pay for HBO for three months just so I can watch it every night in the summer.  Plus, it is all that is on TV in the summer.

Love me some Eric!

1) FLIP FLOPS
    I LOVE FLIP FLOPS.  It is all I wear in the summer.  I even painted my toenails for them.  IT pains me when the cold weather comes and I have to put them in my cold, dark closet. 

Happy Summer to all!

Top 10 Reasons I Am ready for Summer To Be Over

Summer Vacation has finally come.  Actually it started at 12:00 last Tuesday in my world to be exact.  I was actually really looking forward to it this year.  My husband is back to work so I have been able to stop waitressing so damn much.  I was also was looking forward to a break from Lunch Lady Land for a couple of months.  I was excited for some quality time with the kids.  Well, that was then and this is a week into reality.  So here I go, counting down the reasons I am ready for September 6th to arrive.

1. SICK OF HEARING "WHAT ARE WE DOING TODAY?"
    Last Tuesday night I called my kids from work to say goodnight.  My youngest said to me "What are we doing tomorrow?"  I replied with "Going to Auntie Jessica's pool."  I was pretty happy that I had actually already made plans.  He replied to me with "Then what are we doing after that?"  I was going to shoot myself.  Seriously, school had ended eight hours ago and I am already hearing this.  It has now continued on EVERY morning for the past eight days. 

2. HAD ENOUGH OF KIDS AT THE RESTAURANT
    Summer vacation also means parents looking for things to do with the kids (much like me) so what better thing to do than take them out to eat.  Anybody that has been a regular reader of my blog in the past knows how I feel about kids at the restaurant so I feel no need to continue on with this one.

Yes, welcome to my work world.

3. HEAT WAVES
    I am not a fan of the heat.  However, I can deal as long as it stays below 85.  Of course, the first full day of vacation is was 100 degrees and humid as well.  It continued on like that for 3 more days.  Thankfully I have friends with pools.  And that is where we were all week.  Now I hear that we have another heatwave coming tomorrow.  Of course this burst of hell weather falls on the days I have to work.  There is nothing worse than putting on long black pants with socks and sneakers when it is 100 friggin degrees.  Plus, the air conditioning where I work is very temperamental.  I have been crying since I watched the news.  Also, I am not one of those parents that can afford to take my kids out to my restaurant for dinner to entertain them.  I have to cook, in my hot kitchen, with my oven on.  I only have so many crock pot recipes after all.

Sounds about right.

4. THE CHICKEN COOP SMELLS
    Those damn chickens of mine stink to high heaven in the summer.  I feel like all I do is clean it out in the summer and it is NOT a fun job.  Between the heat and humidity it smells like something died in there.  All so I can get free eggs, ugh!

HAHA the pigeon coops smell too.

5. THERE ARE ONLY SO MANY FREE THINGS TO DO AND WE HAVE DONE THEM ALL
    Yes, I am cheap.  I hate paying to entertain my kids.  And they hate to not be entertained.  I have looked up every free thing I could do in this state.  The kids are sick of hiking.  I hate the beach.  In between heat waves it has been too crappy for the pool.  Even though there is a company that hosts Free Fun Fridays across the state, that is only once a week and the offering this year kind of suck. 

How come my kids don't look this happy when hiking?

6. CAMP HASN'T STARTED YET
     Maybe my attitude will change in a couple of weeks when the kids start camp.  They are going for three weeks to a local camp that is dirt cheap and the kids love.  However, it hasn't started yet, and that makes me bitter.  What the hell is taking so long for it to get here?

Yes, they will still be bugging when when camp starts.

7. MY HUSBAND IS CRANKY
    Although this is an occurrence that happens all year, it is worse in the summer.  He is a mason which means he spends a lot of time outside.  He is required to wear jeans and work boots to work everyday.  He is on a roof a lot.  He takes 10 t shirts a day with him to work because he sweats through them so much.  His back is also not feeling great thanks to those herniated disks so needless to say, he is a barral of laughs when he gets home.  Not that I can blame him, I would probably be the same way.

8. NEVER ENDING LAUNDRY
    See Number 7 for this one.  Yes, 10 t shirts a day.  Oh and bathing suits, towels, muddy sneakers, you get the point.

9.  BUGS
     Bugs suck, bite, sting and swarm.  They love my yard thanks to number 4 on my list.  Enough said.

10. LACK OF JOB MEANS LACK OF PAYCHECK
      I am always excited about the Lunch Lady gig giving me the summer off until it dawns on me that I lose a paycheck.  Tomorrow is my last payday until mid September (from that job at least).  I survived with one job for a long time, but when you become accustomed to that little (and I mean little) bit of extra money every two weeks it hurts when it stops.

So there you have it.  My top ten reasons why I am ready for September.  Let me assure you however I am not totally cynical.  I am sure I can come up with 10 reason why I am happy summer is here.  Ok, maybe 5.  I need to save those for my next posting however.

And to think I used to like Paula Deen.

So I have a little time before I am off to BBQ so I figured since it has been requested of me to tell the story about the evil Paul Deen look a like I dealt with at work last week I would put it out there.

As you all know I am a waitress.  I have been at the same place for four years.  It is at Gillette Stadium (yes, home of the New England Patriots).  We deal with a lot of crazy stuff over at the stadium, depending on what kind of events are booked.  Last week it was the NCAA Lacrosse Finals.  It was three days of pure hell.

On event days we are supposed to park over in East Bum fuck.  For anybody who has been to Gillette, we park at Bass Pro Shop on these days.  My restaurant is located as far away from there as you can get.  I give it a good mile walk.  So thanks to lacrosse hell that was our designated parking area for the weekend.  Seeing that I am a rebel I wasn't gonna deal with that so I parked illegally.  Hey, I didn't get caught so no harm done, right?

The managers were expecting a very busy weekend.  Actually, I was too.  It turned out to be a total dud.  It was beautiful outside so everybody was tailgating.  It was the slowest Saturday night I have worked in a very long time.  It was a good thing I brought Mr. Grey with me as I got to pound out a good 200 pages of my book that night.

We did have a private function booked for the first floor.  It was for the Maryland Lacrosse team that had played the late game of the day.  They had booked the event for 150 people.  The staff working the event was all ready for them.  What they weren't ready for was the 300 people that showed up.  The event ended up being understaffed and the food that had been ordered for it was not enough to feed the 300 rabid college kids that were there.

The managers were running around like crazy trying to prepare more food.  I really felt for Russ, Ryan, Pete and Greg as they were truly doing all they could to fix a situation that they had no control over.  They had two other floors of regular guests to take care of in addition to the mess downstairs.  I was working on the second floor taking care of my own tables but I heard about what was going on downstairs so I took a peek ever the railing to check it out.  Big mistake there.

Next thing I know the Paula Deen look a like comes running up the stairs.  I was so not prepared for her.  She runs over to me, gets in my face and the abuse begins.  First of all, let me put on the record that I really had no idea that Maryland was considered the deep south.  This lady sounded straight out of True Blood Bon Temps Louisiana.  She starts poking me in the chest with her index finder and shouting "Y'all need to get downstairs and cleaning my tables!"  My first response was "Excuse Me?"  She then followed up with "Y'all are standing up here doing nothing when my people need to be taken care of.  There is no food and the place is a mess.  Y'all get your ass downstairs now!"

Ok, first of all, I certainly do not deserve abuse from any guest like she was dishing out.  For one, I am not  a busser, I am a server.  Second, I had my own guests to take care of, guests that I am actually being paid to take care of.  Third, oh no you did not really just touch me!  That is my biggest pet peeve, there is no reason for a guest to EVER touch me.

I turned my back and walked away and found Ryan in the kitchen to deal with her.  Well, after I walked away she started in on Charlotte, the hostess.  Seriously, the hostess, whose job it is to seat people.  I love Charlotte to death and it really pissed me off that she was "Y'all ed" as well.  Thankfully for Charlotte, our executive chef Pete stepped in to sort the crap out.  Now I have seen Pete mad before, more times than I can count, and I have been on the receiving end of Pete's anger, it is not pretty.  I was siked that he was going to be the one to sort this crazy lady out.  Thankfully he was able to calm her down and send her back down stair to her people.

I seriously hid from her the rest of the night whenever she came upstairs with a new rant.  I have a short temper as anybody that works with me will confirm.  I somewhat like my job and I knew if I had come across her again I would end up fired.  I can only image what the poor staff that actually had to work the event had to deal with.

It all did have a happy ending however.  Maryland lost in the finals to Loyola so out PD look a like got her just desserts in the end.  Karma will always come back to get you. 

Excuses Excuses Excuses

Ok, here I am again with some blame for why I haven't been updated my blog.  I have several reasons actually.  First and foremost is my current obsession with Christian Grey.  Thankfully I am almost done with the series and can get back to normal life.  I have also managed to find a website that sells the silver balls.  For those of you that have read the books, go to Benwaballs.net, for those that haven't never mind.  Oh and to my dear nephew, Brother Sean (he is a Catholic Brother who spends a lot of time at the Vatican), please just don't go there, I don't want you thinking horrible things about your dear Auntie.

My idea of Mr. Grey, yum

I also need to place some blame on the History Channel.  I became totally engrossed in their miniseries, Hatfields and McCoys.  It was three nights of fantastic historical drama.  For those of you that don't know, I am a major history buff.  I have traced my family tree back many many many years and even have two Mayflower peeps in my tree.  I totally love anything to do with history, especially the 1800's in America.  After watching that series I have spent many hours researching the real story and how true the movie was (it wasn't off too bad).

Reason number three is that I have some wonderful friends that have pools.  It has been hot as hell the last few weeks and I have been enjoying some pre summer pool parties.  I am sun burnt and tired but it has been well worth it.  We are looking forward to another pool party on Sunday at my BFF's house complete with BBQ.  Woohoo, I can't wait.  It is making me even more eager to get the last 13 days of school over with so we can be on vacation and I can spend my days with good friends, poolside, before I have to go to hell at the night job.

My next reason is that last weekend was Lacrosse Hell at my night job.  I was verbally assaulted by a Paula Dean lookalike on Saturday night and it kinda put me in a really foul mood for a few days.  Although it was good fodder for the blog, I was too angry at the crazy bitch to go there.

Some smaller reasons were in no particular order:  Game of Thrones (if the midget dies I am going to be totally pissed and never watch again), the season finally of Revenge (that show give me some great ideas), explaining to my son about porn pop up on the computer (and no, it wasn't on my computer, nor did it have to do with Fifty Shades), my obsession with Pinterest and Facebook, job interviews and digging a new fire pit (which looks damn good if I don't say so myself).

I love this guy, he is the best thing about Thrones.

Love my new fire pit!  Now if I can just get the grass around it to grow.

So there you have it.  School is over on the 19th of June so I am looking forward to getting some serious blogging in then.  I have lots of topics on the backburner that are dying to come out.

YA I know, I am a bad blogger

I know, I have been seriously MIA lately.  I would like to blame it on the fact the I am reading Fifty Shades of Grey and I am totally engrossed in it, but I am not, it is just some mediocre porn which I am trying to make my way through.  In all honesty I have been working way too much and am just to pissed off about too many things to pick a single one to write about.

So where had my life gone lately?  Good question.  As I said, I have been working way too much.  I have spent so much time at Gillette Stadium in the last few weeks that I am pulling my hair out.  Throw in the fact the the Celtics are in the playoffs and I work at a sports bar and it equals pure hell.  Not to mention there have been quite a few NE Revolution home games lately and soccer fans drive me to drink.

Also been working at the school on lunch lady patrol as always but I am not even going to go there.  Ok, yes I am.  The powers that be keep sending us a substitute lunch lady that I can't deal with.  She obviously has never heard of deodorant and has a Hitler complex and thinks she owns the place.  Between the smell and the attitude, I might just snap.  On a brighter note about lunch ladies, or school cafes in general actually, check out this blog I read about tonight.  NeverSeconds, is a a cute blog written by a little girl in Scotland about here daily experiences in the cafe.  I just love it, she is a very bright kids and has gone viral.  Good for her.

It is also yard work season.  I fucking hate yard work.  Plus my husband has enlarged the garden to grow more crap that we won't eat.  Well, that is all him cause I am out of the gardening scene this year.  I really don't care whether or not I get my tomatoes from the produce dept at Market Basket or my back yard.  They all taste the same.  The back yard is also a mess and my husband keeps letting the chickens out to roam.  The damn things crap all over the yard and dig into my flower beds.  If they keep it up they are going to find themselves in a pot on my stove.

Honestly, that is all I got.  Nothing too exciting I know.  I really could go on a tangent about some other crap but I will stay "confidential" about that.  Don't want to piss off the wrong people.

I'm Back and I'm Fuming!!

Hey all.  Yes, I have been out of the blogging world for a while.  The husband is currently not working which means I am working.  More than working actually.  More like slaving away for pennies.  So needless to say, blogging has taken a back seat to other needs, such as sleep, oh and Pinterest.

After watching the news tonight I knew this was a story I couldn't pass up.  Family Locked in Restaurant After Refusing to Tip for Bad Service. 

It seems this family down in Texas went out to dinner with a group of people.  Also seems that the restaurant they chose to go to has a policy of adding a 17 percent tip onto table of five or more (although it doesn't say this on the link, on the news they showed the menu at the restaurant that clearly states this policy).  The cheap ass people decided not to pay and got locked in the restaurant and the cops were called.  First of all, bravo to the management for backing up your staff.  Secondly, bravo to the cops for making them pay it.

I don't know how many times I have to tell people this.  Waitstaff do not make a liveable wage.  Here in Massachusetts we make $2.68 an hour.  Oh and that is after the raise we just got, it was $2.63 an hour until a few weeks ago.  We survive on tips.  Also we do not pocket all that we are given.  We have to tip out bussers, bartenders, food runners and whoever else the company you work for decides you need to.

I have heard people say that they shouldn't have to pay the wages of the restaurants.  Ok so you want us to get a regular wage?  For starters, enjoy watching the price of the food you eat skyrocket.  Restaurants keep prices lower by not having to pay the staff as much.  Second, get used to crappy service.  Do you people really think that servers would take some of the crap you expect of us and get minimum wage for it.  Nope, not gonna happen.  You are going to end up being served by idiots that constantly screw up your order and are rude to you because the restaurants won't be able to get anybody else to do it.

Other people say that it shouldn't be automatic to add on a tip for large parties.  Let me try to make this clear.  As servers we get only a few tables in our section.  Usually four of five tables.  If you bring in ten people chances are you just took up three of my tables.  If you screw me on my tip it screws up my whole shift.  It means I am basically working for my $2.68 and hour and nothing else.  Then after taxes are taken out of that I usually end up having paid out of my own pocket to wait on you.  Is that fair?  I don't think so.

The people in this story are claiming that they had bad service.  Maybe they did, maybe they didn't.  It does happen but not as often as people like this claim.  I am thinking it is more likely that they are just cheap.  They knew the rules when they came in and looked at the menu.  If they didn't it was their own fault for not paying more attention.  If they didn't want to tip they should have gone to McDonald's.

Needless to say, this story really got under my skin.  Sorry about the ranting, and sorry about my absence, but I must say, I feel better now.