Wait, didn't we just have vacation.

Here in Massachusetts it is the start of April Vacation.  The sun is shining, the flowers are blooming, and the weather is warm.  A perfect time for the kids to have the week off from school, right?  Wrong!! (According to a dear friend of mine there is no perfect week for the kids to be off from school, and I usually don't disagree.)

Maybe I wouldn't mind April vacation if we didn't just have a week off seven weeks ago in February, and then seven weeks before that in December.  Plus in nine more weeks it will be two full months off.  Where does the insanity stop.

It is not that I don't like spending time with my kids because some of the time I actually do.  And I usually am fond of Summer Vacation because it means I get to catch up with my BFF that I don't see much the rest of the year due to crazy schedules (she has a pool, we practically live there in the summer).   It's just that how are we preparing are kids for the real world when they are out of school more than they are in it?

I know, I know, you are all saying I am evil and kids should be kids while they still can.  Well yes, I am evil and kids should have fun, but they need to learn that life is not all fun and games.  It can suck, a lot.  The sooner they learn that the better.  Perhaps then we wouldn't have so many kids coming out of college thinking they are entitled to a high paying job just because, well because.

Maybe I shouldn't be bitching because I actually am kid free this week.  My parents live in Vermont and they have the kids this week.  Plus I am a lunch lady at the school so I get the week off too.  Parrrrrtttttyyyyy!  Um no.  I will be working my other job all week, to make up for the week of pay I am losing out on at the school (heaven forbid the lunch ladies get paid vacations).  I think I would rather have a root canal.

Working school vacation week at the restaurant I work at is pure hell.  All the parents that had to take the week off are looking for things for their kids to do so they take them out to lunch.  I deal with more little buggers over vacation week then I do working at a school full of them.  Plus, these kids are with their parents and one thing I have learned is there are a lot of sucky parents out there.  At least at school the kids are fairly well behaved.  Kids out with their useless parents are nightmares.  They think they have the run off the place and can do what they want and the parents think they are getting a free babysitter out of the deal while they throw back the cocktails.

If I survive this week it will be a bloody miracle.  I might be popping some of my husband's Valium prescription to get through.  Just so I can do it all over again in June. 

50 Shades of Porn

There are two things about myself that I know to be true and will always admit.  One is that I love to read.  Yes, more than anything else out there I love a great book and read at least one, usually 2 or 3 a week.  The other thing is that I am frugal, um ok, actually cheap.  I hate paying for books.  I almost never do it.

I am a frequent flier at my local library.  I go online, put books on hold and wait for that happy call telling me they are ready to be picked up.  It is very rare for me to not find a book I want in my library system.  There are about 20 libraries linked together with my town and they share all their books.  It really rocks because my town's actual selection of books is really crappy.  I am also a big fan of borrowing from friends.  My friend Sandy is my favorite source for this.  She has a stellar collection and is always willing to lend them out.

I have now run into a problem however.  Everybody is talking about this book, "50 Shades of Grey".  I have a bunch of friends reading it now.  They all have Kindles so there is nothing for me to borrow.  I went to the library website to put it on hold and thought it was odd that they didn't have it in their catalog.  I really had no idea what this book was about so I went online and did a little research.  Interesting results I found.

It turns out this book is basically porn without the pictures.  I think one site described it as erotica.  At least now I know why the library doesn't have it.  Of course now I want to read it even more.  I am a 37 year old mother of 2 that has been married for almost 13 years.  I obviously need some new ideas to spice up life. 

Now I face the dilemma.  I seriously hate buying books.  I feel no need to spend money on what I can get for free.  But I can't get this one for free.  I do own a few books but it takes me a lot to actually purchase one.  I have to seriously love them to buy.  I am one of those moms that owns the entire Twilight Series, and also The Hunger Games books.  Other than that, nope, nothing.  So please tell me my friends, is it worth the 9 bucks on Amazon?

Moses and Indiana Jones, all in one post.

Happy Easter and Passover to all.  The baskets are opened and the kids are bugging me to hide the plastic eggs so we can have our hunt.  Ummm ok kiddies, let mama blog first, or at least wake up. 

They keep offering me Peeps.  I freaking love Peeps.  They are my favorite food on the face of the earth.  Do Peeps counts as food?  I am trying really hard to be good today.  Weight Watchers is going so well.  I am down 39.2 pounds as of today (I took my weigh in a day early do to possible Easter debauchery) and I really don't want to screw it up.  Hell, I even made WW's friendly coconut cupcakes that I found on Pinterest for dessert today.  But I really want a Peep, or 2 or a whole package.

I am also trying to put off cleaning my house today.  We are having my 97 year old grandmother over today.  She is a stubborn Irish women and I feel like I have to make everything perfect so she doesn't go report bad things back to my mother.  Last time she was here she complained about my thermostat.  Yes of all things, my thermostat.  I knew I should have gone to lunch with my Aunt and Cousin, would make my life much easier.  But alas, I am being a good Catholic and a good granddaughter.

I am still a bit bummed that we lost power last night for a few minutes do so some stupidity at National Grid.  I know it was only a minute or two that it was out but we were watching the Ten Commandments when it happened.  It was when the Angel of Death was creeping around and killing all the first born.  That is my favorite part, well expect for the parting of the Red Sea, and the Burning Bush, of and when he throws the tablets at the Golden Cow.  Well, at least we got to see the end.  The end always brings two thoughts to my head.  The first is why can't poor Moses go to the promised land?  That is just so wrong.  And second.  When they talk about the Ark of the Covenant I keep thinking about what happens if you open that suckers.  Hello Indiana Jones!!!

Ok I am done, somewhat awake now, gotta go hide some plastic eggs, clean some toilets (and the thermostat) and cooks some Ham.  Have a great day everybody.

Let's see who I can offend today.

Could somebody please explain the Easter Bunny to me?  I can't wrap my head around how we use a giant rabbit to symbolize the holiest day in the Christian calender.  Last time I checked Easter was about Christ dying and rising again.  I know I am not the best Catholic out there but I am pretty sure I have that one right.  So where exactly did the vermin come from?

The other thing I don't understand is why in order to celebrate any Christian holiday we have to have a huge marketing gimmick meant to make us empty our wallets.  Can we not celebrate without buying our kids something?  I think it is safe to say that most kids out there today don't even know why we celebrate these holidays.  It is all about Santa and Bunnies and whatever else will come up next. 

It is also Passover this coming week, where is the Passover Bunny?  Oh that is right, the Jewish people seem to actually respect their religion and don't feel the need to turn it into something it isn't. 

Oh I was wrong, there is a Passover Bunny!

I know, I know I am bitching, and I am a hypocrite because I just finished dying the damn eggs with the boys, and I bought them baskets.  I feel like if I don't my kids will feel like they are missing out on what their friends get to do.  I am a sucker for peer pressure.  I just want the insanity to stop and my wallet to stop being raped.

Damn Chickens

I am happy to say that this hell week is over.  It has been a rough one, but thankfully we have hit Sunday night.  I did a whole lot of that "helping others" stuff that as a Catholic has been drilled into my head throughout the years so I am thinking I earned some brownie points with the man upstairs.  So maybe I will be excused when I sleep in or Easter Sunday.

I did breakdown and do some yard work today.  I raked the backyard last week after some peer pressure from George, my over achieving neighbor.  However, it is my front that is a disaster.  I was discussing the situation with my husband this morning and told him it needed to be done.  He said he wasn't doing it because he threw his back out last weekend.  Just great for me.  At any rate, I went to the grocery store with plans to do it when I returned.

When I pulled into the driveway after my shopping I was shocked to find my kids raking.  Trying to get my kids to do yard work is nearly impossible, but they actually looked willing.  When I stepped out of the car my oldest came running over and said, "Daddy said you would give us cash if we raked the yard."  Fantastic daddy.  When I was a kids I never was paid to do yard work.  It was expected of me.  But whatever, it was getting done and I was glad for that.

After I finished putting the groceries away I grabbed a rake and went out to help.  I hate raking.  I would honestly rather have my fingernails ripped out but hey, you gotta do what you gotta do.  I spent the better part of the afternoon working away.  The flower beds are done and part of the lawn.  I need to go rent a mower with a bag attachment to do the rest because the damn grass has already grown too high.  If I cut it with my mower before I rake all it is going to do is scatter tiny pieces of crap to rake up.  Unfortunately the rental place is closed on Sundays (which I really don't get, isn't that when people do their yard work).

I was pretty damn proud of myself for the job I did.  I caved to the kids and instead of giving them cash I got them a cheap, used Wii game.  When I was away to get it my husband let the chickens out.  I have a love hate relationship with the chickens.  I love the eggs they produce, I hate everything else.  They crap all over the place and dig up everything.  Usually they are confined to the backyard so it isn't too bad (sometimes they hop the fence and go into George's backyard to forage, I can't really blame them, his yard rocks).  However, my darling husband left the back gate open.  When I returned home the damn chickens had just destroyed my flower beds that I worked so hard to clean.

After my screaming fit the kids put the damn things back in the coop.  I am now dreaming up lots of wonderful chicken recipes to make for dinner this week.  Because unless my husband builds them the run he has been promising me for the past year they are all going into the frying pan.