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Tuesday, December 11, 2012

You can all be jealous of me now.

Ok people, time to get jealous, maybe even throw a little hate my way.  I am all done Christmas shopping.  Yes, presents AND stockings.  Not only is everything bought, but they are all wrapped as well.  And this has all been done for two weeks (and I didn't even step out the door on Black Friday).

I am not one of those overachieving moms that I love to make fun of.  I am the furthest thing from it.  What I am is cheap with a side of OCD.  My husband and I decided to get the boys Tablets for Christmas this year.  Tablets, not Ipads (I am still a lunch lady after all and we definitely did not win the Powerball).  It was a selfish reason for me, I was sick of the kids stealing my phone.  Alan on the other hand just said "Ya, whatever" but I am sure he will spend plenty of time saying "Get off the damn tablets and go outside" like he currently does everyday with the Wii.

I thought about Tablets last year for Christmas.  I started browsing Amazon in November and saw that the prices weren't too bad.  However, by the time I was ready to purchase them in December the price had tripled.  I decided to be smart this year and start looking in August.  They were purchased in September for a whopping $52 each.  Currently the same tablets are $200 on Amazon.  Well done mommy!  The only problem is now they can really be considered used because I was playing with them, a lot, since I received them.  That is one of the reasons all the presents are wrapped, I needed to stop playing with them.

The rest of my shopping was done on Cyber Monday.  I don't know who invented this gem but I love them for it.  While all the crazy people were out freezing their asses off in front of Walmart on Thanksgiving I was spending quality time with my family (isn't that what Thanksgiving is really about).  Then Monday came around, I sent the kids off the school and sat my butt down in front of the computer.  I had $50 worth of gift cards to play with as well.  Let's just say that I ended up only spending an additional $27 that day and was able to completely finish my shopping.  And the gifts weren't even cheap crap.  I got both the boys all the stuff they asked for (well, all the stuff they really, really wanted, if I got them all they asked for I would me moving Toys R Us into my back yard).  Each kid has 11 presents plus the Tablets.  Again, well done Mommy!

The worst part of it all was trying to figure out what Santa was giving them and what Alan I were were taking credit for.  When the kids got the Wii for Christmas a few years ago the fat man got credit for that.  I learned really quick that I did not like Santa getting credit for the big gift.  All I have heard for 3 years is how awesome Santa is because he brought a Wii.  Damn Santa, that was all me!!  Needless to say the Tablets are going to be from us (just like the Nintendo Ds's a few years ago were).  I sorted the rest of the toys and found myself giving the boys all the really good stuff from us and Santa giving the Lava Lamps (yes I got the kids Lava Lamps).  I figured I couldn't make Santa look bad because then I would really lose that whole "Santa is watching you" threat when the kids throw back "Ya well he brought us Connect Four last year so who cares".  Now Santa is getting the real good stuff (except the tablets) and the boys are getting Lava Lamps and Connect Four from us.

I must say that I really luck out with the gift giving.  I have somewhere along the lines of 30 nieces and nephews and 8 grand nieces and nephews (I know I am way to young to be a grand aunt but hey my hubby is the youngest of 8).  I only have one niece that lives on this side of the ocean, that would be my brother's daughter.  She gets a gift.  It costs more money to ship crap over to Ireland than I pay for it so I stopped sending gifts there long ago.  They all got their gift in November when I sent Alan over for a visit.  Merry Christmas, have fun with your uncle.  Alan and I don't exchange gifts, we haven't in several years.  He really hates shopping and never knew what to get me.  It was better to nip that one in the bud before it was too late.  We also stopped exchanging with my folks because we are all just too old for that crap.  As for my big brother, he would give me cash and I would give him cash so we just decided to keep our own cash.

So there ya have it.  Hate me if you want but I am going to sit back and relax for the next two weeks while I watch everybody else running around in a panic.  I know I would rather watch National Lampoons Christmas Vacation with my family for the 100th time then be trapped in the mall with shoppers freaking out at the last minute.

Monday, December 10, 2012

My Christmas Letter

I know I have been in hiding lately but here I am making a Christmas appearance.  I received my first Christmas Letter in the mail last week.  You know what I mean, those long letters telling you every little thing the family member that you never see (and really couldn't care less if you ever saw again) did in the past year?  Honestly, I have thought about writing them.  Then I figured that every person I give a damn about knows my life story thanks to Facebook so it would be a waste of my time.  However, there is the bitchy side of me that has always wanted to write a Christmas Letter spoof and send it out the the three or so people that don't follow me on Facebook.  I was thinking it could go something like this:

Dear Friends and Family,

Another year is almost at an end and the McGinley Family has survived.  We have had some good and some bad but the most important thing is that we are still standing.

We are thankful that Alan was granted parole halfway through the year.  Luckily his boss even let him go back to work after their little scuffle that put him in the big house in the first place.  See, it does pay to be good at your job.  He does continue to receive phone calls from some guy named Bubba who he claims not to know but the phone number that come up an the caller ID is from the prison.

The boys had a great year as well.  Johnny has only been suspended 5 times this school year.  Down from 28 last year.  However he does spend most of his time with the Principal.  Liam on the other hand is so scared of getting in trouble that he just stays home most days.  He's smart enough anyways, who needs the hastle of school?

My mom went and bought herself one of those fancy new tablet computers.  Now she is on Facebook.  That kind of is a bummer for me.  I have really had to tone down my facebooking as to not let my mom in on the classy girl she raised.

My dad has moved to Idaho.  After the election he couldn't stand living in Vermont anymore.  I don't know exactly what happened but I believe I heard "Too many liberals, must get out".  Alan and I also thought of moving after the election.  Johnny wanted to go to Kentucky where his idol "The Turtleman" lives but after looking into we found that they wouldn't let us in as we have too many teeth.  

As for me, it has been a quiet year.  I am happy to announce that I have made it through yet another year without getting "knocked up".  Don't think we all could go through that again.  Still living the dream in lunch lady land.  Thanks to the First Lady my job is so much more enjoyable.  So many new rules and regulations.  And what kids doesn't love Corn and Black Bean Salad?  It really just makes it all extra fun.

So here we are at the end of the year.  So much to be thankful for.  Now onto 2013 (this is if we survive the apocalypse on Dec 21st).


The McGinley's