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Monday, December 10, 2012

My Christmas Letter

I know I have been in hiding lately but here I am making a Christmas appearance.  I received my first Christmas Letter in the mail last week.  You know what I mean, those long letters telling you every little thing the family member that you never see (and really couldn't care less if you ever saw again) did in the past year?  Honestly, I have thought about writing them.  Then I figured that every person I give a damn about knows my life story thanks to Facebook so it would be a waste of my time.  However, there is the bitchy side of me that has always wanted to write a Christmas Letter spoof and send it out the the three or so people that don't follow me on Facebook.  I was thinking it could go something like this:

Dear Friends and Family,

Another year is almost at an end and the McGinley Family has survived.  We have had some good and some bad but the most important thing is that we are still standing.

We are thankful that Alan was granted parole halfway through the year.  Luckily his boss even let him go back to work after their little scuffle that put him in the big house in the first place.  See, it does pay to be good at your job.  He does continue to receive phone calls from some guy named Bubba who he claims not to know but the phone number that come up an the caller ID is from the prison.

The boys had a great year as well.  Johnny has only been suspended 5 times this school year.  Down from 28 last year.  However he does spend most of his time with the Principal.  Liam on the other hand is so scared of getting in trouble that he just stays home most days.  He's smart enough anyways, who needs the hastle of school?

My mom went and bought herself one of those fancy new tablet computers.  Now she is on Facebook.  That kind of is a bummer for me.  I have really had to tone down my facebooking as to not let my mom in on the classy girl she raised.

My dad has moved to Idaho.  After the election he couldn't stand living in Vermont anymore.  I don't know exactly what happened but I believe I heard "Too many liberals, must get out".  Alan and I also thought of moving after the election.  Johnny wanted to go to Kentucky where his idol "The Turtleman" lives but after looking into we found that they wouldn't let us in as we have too many teeth.  

As for me, it has been a quiet year.  I am happy to announce that I have made it through yet another year without getting "knocked up".  Don't think we all could go through that again.  Still living the dream in lunch lady land.  Thanks to the First Lady my job is so much more enjoyable.  So many new rules and regulations.  And what kids doesn't love Corn and Black Bean Salad?  It really just makes it all extra fun.

So here we are at the end of the year.  So much to be thankful for.  Now onto 2013 (this is if we survive the apocalypse on Dec 21st).


The McGinley's