You can all be jealous of me now.

Ok people, time to get jealous, maybe even throw a little hate my way.  I am all done Christmas shopping.  Yes, presents AND stockings.  Not only is everything bought, but they are all wrapped as well.  And this has all been done for two weeks (and I didn't even step out the door on Black Friday).

I am not one of those overachieving moms that I love to make fun of.  I am the furthest thing from it.  What I am is cheap with a side of OCD.  My husband and I decided to get the boys Tablets for Christmas this year.  Tablets, not Ipads (I am still a lunch lady after all and we definitely did not win the Powerball).  It was a selfish reason for me, I was sick of the kids stealing my phone.  Alan on the other hand just said "Ya, whatever" but I am sure he will spend plenty of time saying "Get off the damn tablets and go outside" like he currently does everyday with the Wii.

I thought about Tablets last year for Christmas.  I started browsing Amazon in November and saw that the prices weren't too bad.  However, by the time I was ready to purchase them in December the price had tripled.  I decided to be smart this year and start looking in August.  They were purchased in September for a whopping $52 each.  Currently the same tablets are $200 on Amazon.  Well done mommy!  The only problem is now they can really be considered used because I was playing with them, a lot, since I received them.  That is one of the reasons all the presents are wrapped, I needed to stop playing with them.

The rest of my shopping was done on Cyber Monday.  I don't know who invented this gem but I love them for it.  While all the crazy people were out freezing their asses off in front of Walmart on Thanksgiving I was spending quality time with my family (isn't that what Thanksgiving is really about).  Then Monday came around, I sent the kids off the school and sat my butt down in front of the computer.  I had $50 worth of Amazon.com gift cards to play with as well.  Let's just say that I ended up only spending an additional $27 that day and was able to completely finish my shopping.  And the gifts weren't even cheap crap.  I got both the boys all the stuff they asked for (well, all the stuff they really, really wanted, if I got them all they asked for I would me moving Toys R Us into my back yard).  Each kid has 11 presents plus the Tablets.  Again, well done Mommy!

The worst part of it all was trying to figure out what Santa was giving them and what Alan I were were taking credit for.  When the kids got the Wii for Christmas a few years ago the fat man got credit for that.  I learned really quick that I did not like Santa getting credit for the big gift.  All I have heard for 3 years is how awesome Santa is because he brought a Wii.  Damn Santa, that was all me!!  Needless to say the Tablets are going to be from us (just like the Nintendo Ds's a few years ago were).  I sorted the rest of the toys and found myself giving the boys all the really good stuff from us and Santa giving the Lava Lamps (yes I got the kids Lava Lamps).  I figured I couldn't make Santa look bad because then I would really lose that whole "Santa is watching you" threat when the kids throw back "Ya well he brought us Connect Four last year so who cares".  Now Santa is getting the real good stuff (except the tablets) and the boys are getting Lava Lamps and Connect Four from us.

I must say that I really luck out with the gift giving.  I have somewhere along the lines of 30 nieces and nephews and 8 grand nieces and nephews (I know I am way to young to be a grand aunt but hey my hubby is the youngest of 8).  I only have one niece that lives on this side of the ocean, that would be my brother's daughter.  She gets a gift.  It costs more money to ship crap over to Ireland than I pay for it so I stopped sending gifts there long ago.  They all got their gift in November when I sent Alan over for a visit.  Merry Christmas, have fun with your uncle.  Alan and I don't exchange gifts, we haven't in several years.  He really hates shopping and never knew what to get me.  It was better to nip that one in the bud before it was too late.  We also stopped exchanging with my folks because we are all just too old for that crap.  As for my big brother, he would give me cash and I would give him cash so we just decided to keep our own cash.

So there ya have it.  Hate me if you want but I am going to sit back and relax for the next two weeks while I watch everybody else running around in a panic.  I know I would rather watch National Lampoons Christmas Vacation with my family for the 100th time then be trapped in the mall with shoppers freaking out at the last minute.

My Christmas Letter

I know I have been in hiding lately but here I am making a Christmas appearance.  I received my first Christmas Letter in the mail last week.  You know what I mean, those long letters telling you every little thing the family member that you never see (and really couldn't care less if you ever saw again) did in the past year?  Honestly, I have thought about writing them.  Then I figured that every person I give a damn about knows my life story thanks to Facebook so it would be a waste of my time.  However, there is the bitchy side of me that has always wanted to write a Christmas Letter spoof and send it out the the three or so people that don't follow me on Facebook.  I was thinking it could go something like this:

Dear Friends and Family,

Another year is almost at an end and the McGinley Family has survived.  We have had some good and some bad but the most important thing is that we are still standing.

We are thankful that Alan was granted parole halfway through the year.  Luckily his boss even let him go back to work after their little scuffle that put him in the big house in the first place.  See, it does pay to be good at your job.  He does continue to receive phone calls from some guy named Bubba who he claims not to know but the phone number that come up an the caller ID is from the prison.

The boys had a great year as well.  Johnny has only been suspended 5 times this school year.  Down from 28 last year.  However he does spend most of his time with the Principal.  Liam on the other hand is so scared of getting in trouble that he just stays home most days.  He's smart enough anyways, who needs the hastle of school?

My mom went and bought herself one of those fancy new tablet computers.  Now she is on Facebook.  That kind of is a bummer for me.  I have really had to tone down my facebooking as to not let my mom in on the classy girl she raised.

My dad has moved to Idaho.  After the election he couldn't stand living in Vermont anymore.  I don't know exactly what happened but I believe I heard "Too many liberals, must get out".  Alan and I also thought of moving after the election.  Johnny wanted to go to Kentucky where his idol "The Turtleman" lives but after looking into we found that they wouldn't let us in as we have too many teeth.  

As for me, it has been a quiet year.  I am happy to announce that I have made it through yet another year without getting "knocked up".  Don't think we all could go through that again.  Still living the dream in lunch lady land.  Thanks to the First Lady my job is so much more enjoyable.  So many new rules and regulations.  And what kids doesn't love Corn and Black Bean Salad?  It really just makes it all extra fun.

So here we are at the end of the year.  So much to be thankful for.  Now onto 2013 (this is if we survive the apocalypse on Dec 21st).

Love

The McGinley's

Hell in a Pinterest Inspired Hand Basket

So here we are on Wednesday.  My kids are in Vermont, my husband is at work and I have the whole day off.  I have big plans for today.  They involve closing my curtains, popping in a movie and not doing a damn thing all day.  I NEVER get days like this and I plan to take full advantage of doing nothing.  I need to relax and refresh before Patriots Training Camp starts tomorrow and it is all out kiddies at the restaurant and double shifts for me.

Of course before I do nothing I had to check Pinterest.  I can't get my day started without it, it is a bit obsessive.  I saw a post on that I knew I would have to blog about.  It reminds me that yes, I am going to hell in a very nice, pinterest inspired hand basket.

Yup, I am guilty of this.

After seeing this it got me thinking about all the less than wonderful things I have done in my life.  I really do try to be a good person.  I make my kids go to CCD (for those of you non Catholics that is religious education) although we rarely go to church (sorry Brother Sean).  I volunteer my time in various things.  I bring my 98 year old grandmother her medication and quarts of milk when my aunt isn't around to do it.  I have stood by my husband's side through various crap that most wives wouldn't.  And I am raising two little boys with having jumped off a cliff or thrown them over.

But let's be serious, I am far from perfect.  And that little gem of a Pinterest pin reminded me of it.  Yes, I have commented with my friends about another friend's really ugly kid.  Yes, I felt bad about it but honestly, it was the parents fault.  They really could have done things to help this poor kid out.  She probably could be really cute if they just did a little grooming, or waxing.  Ok, I am so going to hell.  But at least my friends will be there with me, oh and my mom, she was in on it too.

Then there is the foot spa incident.  I really had forgotten about that until my best friend's pain in the ass daughter reminded me about it, several times, in the last two weeks.  A few years ago when I was putting my bags in my car after a trip to Walmart I noticed a Foot Spa in a cart. This cart was in the middle of about fifty other carts all stacked up together.  It wasn't in a bag but it was still in the box, brand new.  I personally don't know why it was there but it had been there for a while, hence it being in the middle of fifty carts.  I pulled the carts apart and picked up the foot spa.  Clearly it was left there for me for my poor aching feet.  I am a waitress and lunch lady after all.  In the car it went. 

Add about another 40 carts to this and you will see why I truly believed this Spa had been there for a long time, waiting for me.

The friend I had with me on this shopping trip told me I was a bad person for doing this.  My best friend told me that karma was going to get me.  Then there was the troll, oops I mean other friend, no, I mean troll that told me that I did the right thing and it was finders keepers.  I should have listened to my best friend as she is the one that is always right.  I don't remember how karma did get me as it was a few years ago but I remember when it did she was there to remind me why.

I have still never used the damn thing, I feel too guilty.  My husband loves it though.

I have a whole list of other things that would probably send me to hell but I am afraid that my nephew who is a Catholic brother will disown me if he knew so I am going to leave you all hanging.  Plus, I have a redbox rental and a chicken patty sandwich calling my name right now.  The one comforting thing that I have is that you will all probably be right there with me (except Brother Sean that is).

Top 10 Reason I Love Summer Vacation!

Ok, I am back and as promised I have the follow up to the reasons I am ready for summer to be over.  I have made it through four fun filled weeks and have racked my brain trying to come up with this list.  I have had that whole positive thinking thing going on and I think for once it has actually worked.  So here we go, in no particular order as all these reasons are so fabulous I just couldn't possibly rank them.

10) CAMP
       Yes, the kiddies have started summer camp.  Whoever the genius was that created this wonderful thing has my everlasting love.  My kids go to the Rec Dept camp in my town so it is dirt cheap.  They play outside for six straight hours and come home exhausted.  I even dished out the cash for them to go for three weeks instead of two this year.  They are in their second week now and I have loved every second of it (they have too).  Plus, as an extra added bonus, the guy that runs it was my field hockey coach in High School and I loved the time my son came home amazed last year when Coach told him that I was a great athlete, thus sending me into thoughts of my "glory days" when I actually got off my ass and exercised.

9) VERMONT
      Ah, the beautiful Green Mountain State.  I am sure you are all thinking I am taking my family on a wonderful, relaxing vacation.  Ha, no not quite, it is even better.  My parents actually live there and seeing that they don't get to see their grand kids very much they are taking them for TWO WHOLE WEEKS!  It is my favorite part of the summer.  Now don't get me wrong, I love my kids, really I do, but do you really think I am going to pass up TWO WHOLE WEEKS without them? 

8) GETTING CRAP DONE
     Well, after reading numbers 9 and 10 you are probably wondering what I am doing with all my free time.  As sad as it is, I am cleaning.  I know that sounds sucky but seriously, I don't get the chance to do it the rest of the year.  My house is so clean and organized right now I don't know that to do with myself.  Oh wait, yes I do.  Now I have resorted to watching She-Ra on Netfilx while they are gone because damn it, I loved that 80's cartoon when I was a kid.

Cleaning before

Cleaning after

 

Love this show!

7) HANGING WITH THE BFF
    I have had the same best friend forever.  I love her dearly and I rarely get to see her during the school year.  We are just busy people.  Between the kids being in school all day and working two jobs and she lives a couple towns away I just can't make it happen as often as I would like.  But then comes summer.  Oh and did I mention she has a pool.  Oh and two sons that are about the same ages as my two sons.  There is nothing I enjoy more than heading over to her place for a fun filled day.  The kids are happy, we are happy, and I get to make fun of Justin Bieber in front of her 15 year old daughter.  It really is quite perfect.

Hanging at the pool.  See, Weight Watchers is really working for me.

6)  BBQ's
     See number 7.  This is what we do when the husbands are around too.  Men do love grilling meat products after all.

5) ONLY ONE JOB!
     It does kinda suck that I lose the lunch lady paycheck in the summer but it is hard to complain when I don't have to deal with 300 elementary school kids demanding their chicken nuggets on a daily basis.

4) EGGS
    For some reason the chickens are super eggs layers in the summer.  I have more of the delicious things than I know what to do with.  I have been making egg salad, deviled eggs, quiche, and many other eggie delights.  My bff's family seems to be the ones reaping the benefits however since I always seem to bring them to her house as my family can only eat so much.

Yum, I made it all by myself (my kids hated it but my bff's family loved it)

3) BROWN GRASS
     I know that most people want nice green lawns.  I usually do too but it has been so damn hot lately that the last thing I want to do it mow the lawn.  Thankfully the hot weather cause the grass to die.  Now I don't have to cut it.  Win Win situation there.

Yup, looks like my yard.

2) TRUE BLOOD
     I freaking love this show.  I pay for HBO for three months just so I can watch it every night in the summer.  Plus, it is all that is on TV in the summer.

Love me some Eric!

1) FLIP FLOPS
    I LOVE FLIP FLOPS.  It is all I wear in the summer.  I even painted my toenails for them.  IT pains me when the cold weather comes and I have to put them in my cold, dark closet. 

Happy Summer to all!

Top 10 Reasons I Am ready for Summer To Be Over

Summer Vacation has finally come.  Actually it started at 12:00 last Tuesday in my world to be exact.  I was actually really looking forward to it this year.  My husband is back to work so I have been able to stop waitressing so damn much.  I was also was looking forward to a break from Lunch Lady Land for a couple of months.  I was excited for some quality time with the kids.  Well, that was then and this is a week into reality.  So here I go, counting down the reasons I am ready for September 6th to arrive.

1. SICK OF HEARING "WHAT ARE WE DOING TODAY?"
    Last Tuesday night I called my kids from work to say goodnight.  My youngest said to me "What are we doing tomorrow?"  I replied with "Going to Auntie Jessica's pool."  I was pretty happy that I had actually already made plans.  He replied to me with "Then what are we doing after that?"  I was going to shoot myself.  Seriously, school had ended eight hours ago and I am already hearing this.  It has now continued on EVERY morning for the past eight days. 

2. HAD ENOUGH OF KIDS AT THE RESTAURANT
    Summer vacation also means parents looking for things to do with the kids (much like me) so what better thing to do than take them out to eat.  Anybody that has been a regular reader of my blog in the past knows how I feel about kids at the restaurant so I feel no need to continue on with this one.

Yes, welcome to my work world.

3. HEAT WAVES
    I am not a fan of the heat.  However, I can deal as long as it stays below 85.  Of course, the first full day of vacation is was 100 degrees and humid as well.  It continued on like that for 3 more days.  Thankfully I have friends with pools.  And that is where we were all week.  Now I hear that we have another heatwave coming tomorrow.  Of course this burst of hell weather falls on the days I have to work.  There is nothing worse than putting on long black pants with socks and sneakers when it is 100 friggin degrees.  Plus, the air conditioning where I work is very temperamental.  I have been crying since I watched the news.  Also, I am not one of those parents that can afford to take my kids out to my restaurant for dinner to entertain them.  I have to cook, in my hot kitchen, with my oven on.  I only have so many crock pot recipes after all.

Sounds about right.

4. THE CHICKEN COOP SMELLS
    Those damn chickens of mine stink to high heaven in the summer.  I feel like all I do is clean it out in the summer and it is NOT a fun job.  Between the heat and humidity it smells like something died in there.  All so I can get free eggs, ugh!

HAHA the pigeon coops smell too.

5. THERE ARE ONLY SO MANY FREE THINGS TO DO AND WE HAVE DONE THEM ALL
    Yes, I am cheap.  I hate paying to entertain my kids.  And they hate to not be entertained.  I have looked up every free thing I could do in this state.  The kids are sick of hiking.  I hate the beach.  In between heat waves it has been too crappy for the pool.  Even though there is a company that hosts Free Fun Fridays across the state, that is only once a week and the offering this year kind of suck. 

How come my kids don't look this happy when hiking?

6. CAMP HASN'T STARTED YET
     Maybe my attitude will change in a couple of weeks when the kids start camp.  They are going for three weeks to a local camp that is dirt cheap and the kids love.  However, it hasn't started yet, and that makes me bitter.  What the hell is taking so long for it to get here?

Yes, they will still be bugging when when camp starts.

7. MY HUSBAND IS CRANKY
    Although this is an occurrence that happens all year, it is worse in the summer.  He is a mason which means he spends a lot of time outside.  He is required to wear jeans and work boots to work everyday.  He is on a roof a lot.  He takes 10 t shirts a day with him to work because he sweats through them so much.  His back is also not feeling great thanks to those herniated disks so needless to say, he is a barral of laughs when he gets home.  Not that I can blame him, I would probably be the same way.

8. NEVER ENDING LAUNDRY
    See Number 7 for this one.  Yes, 10 t shirts a day.  Oh and bathing suits, towels, muddy sneakers, you get the point.

9.  BUGS
     Bugs suck, bite, sting and swarm.  They love my yard thanks to number 4 on my list.  Enough said.

10. LACK OF JOB MEANS LACK OF PAYCHECK
      I am always excited about the Lunch Lady gig giving me the summer off until it dawns on me that I lose a paycheck.  Tomorrow is my last payday until mid September (from that job at least).  I survived with one job for a long time, but when you become accustomed to that little (and I mean little) bit of extra money every two weeks it hurts when it stops.

So there you have it.  My top ten reasons why I am ready for September.  Let me assure you however I am not totally cynical.  I am sure I can come up with 10 reason why I am happy summer is here.  Ok, maybe 5.  I need to save those for my next posting however.

And to think I used to like Paula Deen.

So I have a little time before I am off to BBQ so I figured since it has been requested of me to tell the story about the evil Paul Deen look a like I dealt with at work last week I would put it out there.

As you all know I am a waitress.  I have been at the same place for four years.  It is at Gillette Stadium (yes, home of the New England Patriots).  We deal with a lot of crazy stuff over at the stadium, depending on what kind of events are booked.  Last week it was the NCAA Lacrosse Finals.  It was three days of pure hell.

On event days we are supposed to park over in East Bum fuck.  For anybody who has been to Gillette, we park at Bass Pro Shop on these days.  My restaurant is located as far away from there as you can get.  I give it a good mile walk.  So thanks to lacrosse hell that was our designated parking area for the weekend.  Seeing that I am a rebel I wasn't gonna deal with that so I parked illegally.  Hey, I didn't get caught so no harm done, right?

The managers were expecting a very busy weekend.  Actually, I was too.  It turned out to be a total dud.  It was beautiful outside so everybody was tailgating.  It was the slowest Saturday night I have worked in a very long time.  It was a good thing I brought Mr. Grey with me as I got to pound out a good 200 pages of my book that night.

We did have a private function booked for the first floor.  It was for the Maryland Lacrosse team that had played the late game of the day.  They had booked the event for 150 people.  The staff working the event was all ready for them.  What they weren't ready for was the 300 people that showed up.  The event ended up being understaffed and the food that had been ordered for it was not enough to feed the 300 rabid college kids that were there.

The managers were running around like crazy trying to prepare more food.  I really felt for Russ, Ryan, Pete and Greg as they were truly doing all they could to fix a situation that they had no control over.  They had two other floors of regular guests to take care of in addition to the mess downstairs.  I was working on the second floor taking care of my own tables but I heard about what was going on downstairs so I took a peek ever the railing to check it out.  Big mistake there.

Next thing I know the Paula Deen look a like comes running up the stairs.  I was so not prepared for her.  She runs over to me, gets in my face and the abuse begins.  First of all, let me put on the record that I really had no idea that Maryland was considered the deep south.  This lady sounded straight out of True Blood Bon Temps Louisiana.  She starts poking me in the chest with her index finder and shouting "Y'all need to get downstairs and cleaning my tables!"  My first response was "Excuse Me?"  She then followed up with "Y'all are standing up here doing nothing when my people need to be taken care of.  There is no food and the place is a mess.  Y'all get your ass downstairs now!"

Ok, first of all, I certainly do not deserve abuse from any guest like she was dishing out.  For one, I am not  a busser, I am a server.  Second, I had my own guests to take care of, guests that I am actually being paid to take care of.  Third, oh no you did not really just touch me!  That is my biggest pet peeve, there is no reason for a guest to EVER touch me.

I turned my back and walked away and found Ryan in the kitchen to deal with her.  Well, after I walked away she started in on Charlotte, the hostess.  Seriously, the hostess, whose job it is to seat people.  I love Charlotte to death and it really pissed me off that she was "Y'all ed" as well.  Thankfully for Charlotte, our executive chef Pete stepped in to sort the crap out.  Now I have seen Pete mad before, more times than I can count, and I have been on the receiving end of Pete's anger, it is not pretty.  I was siked that he was going to be the one to sort this crazy lady out.  Thankfully he was able to calm her down and send her back down stair to her people.

I seriously hid from her the rest of the night whenever she came upstairs with a new rant.  I have a short temper as anybody that works with me will confirm.  I somewhat like my job and I knew if I had come across her again I would end up fired.  I can only image what the poor staff that actually had to work the event had to deal with.

It all did have a happy ending however.  Maryland lost in the finals to Loyola so out PD look a like got her just desserts in the end.  Karma will always come back to get you. 

Excuses Excuses Excuses

Ok, here I am again with some blame for why I haven't been updated my blog.  I have several reasons actually.  First and foremost is my current obsession with Christian Grey.  Thankfully I am almost done with the series and can get back to normal life.  I have also managed to find a website that sells the silver balls.  For those of you that have read the books, go to Benwaballs.net, for those that haven't never mind.  Oh and to my dear nephew, Brother Sean (he is a Catholic Brother who spends a lot of time at the Vatican), please just don't go there, I don't want you thinking horrible things about your dear Auntie.

My idea of Mr. Grey, yum

I also need to place some blame on the History Channel.  I became totally engrossed in their miniseries, Hatfields and McCoys.  It was three nights of fantastic historical drama.  For those of you that don't know, I am a major history buff.  I have traced my family tree back many many many years and even have two Mayflower peeps in my tree.  I totally love anything to do with history, especially the 1800's in America.  After watching that series I have spent many hours researching the real story and how true the movie was (it wasn't off too bad).

Reason number three is that I have some wonderful friends that have pools.  It has been hot as hell the last few weeks and I have been enjoying some pre summer pool parties.  I am sun burnt and tired but it has been well worth it.  We are looking forward to another pool party on Sunday at my BFF's house complete with BBQ.  Woohoo, I can't wait.  It is making me even more eager to get the last 13 days of school over with so we can be on vacation and I can spend my days with good friends, poolside, before I have to go to hell at the night job.

My next reason is that last weekend was Lacrosse Hell at my night job.  I was verbally assaulted by a Paula Dean lookalike on Saturday night and it kinda put me in a really foul mood for a few days.  Although it was good fodder for the blog, I was too angry at the crazy bitch to go there.

Some smaller reasons were in no particular order:  Game of Thrones (if the midget dies I am going to be totally pissed and never watch again), the season finally of Revenge (that show give me some great ideas), explaining to my son about porn pop up on the computer (and no, it wasn't on my computer, nor did it have to do with Fifty Shades), my obsession with Pinterest and Facebook, job interviews and digging a new fire pit (which looks damn good if I don't say so myself).

I love this guy, he is the best thing about Thrones.

Love my new fire pit!  Now if I can just get the grass around it to grow.

So there you have it.  School is over on the 19th of June so I am looking forward to getting some serious blogging in then.  I have lots of topics on the backburner that are dying to come out.

YA I know, I am a bad blogger

I know, I have been seriously MIA lately.  I would like to blame it on the fact the I am reading Fifty Shades of Grey and I am totally engrossed in it, but I am not, it is just some mediocre porn which I am trying to make my way through.  In all honesty I have been working way too much and am just to pissed off about too many things to pick a single one to write about.

So where had my life gone lately?  Good question.  As I said, I have been working way too much.  I have spent so much time at Gillette Stadium in the last few weeks that I am pulling my hair out.  Throw in the fact the the Celtics are in the playoffs and I work at a sports bar and it equals pure hell.  Not to mention there have been quite a few NE Revolution home games lately and soccer fans drive me to drink.

Also been working at the school on lunch lady patrol as always but I am not even going to go there.  Ok, yes I am.  The powers that be keep sending us a substitute lunch lady that I can't deal with.  She obviously has never heard of deodorant and has a Hitler complex and thinks she owns the place.  Between the smell and the attitude, I might just snap.  On a brighter note about lunch ladies, or school cafes in general actually, check out this blog I read about tonight.  NeverSeconds, is a a cute blog written by a little girl in Scotland about here daily experiences in the cafe.  I just love it, she is a very bright kids and has gone viral.  Good for her.

It is also yard work season.  I fucking hate yard work.  Plus my husband has enlarged the garden to grow more crap that we won't eat.  Well, that is all him cause I am out of the gardening scene this year.  I really don't care whether or not I get my tomatoes from the produce dept at Market Basket or my back yard.  They all taste the same.  The back yard is also a mess and my husband keeps letting the chickens out to roam.  The damn things crap all over the yard and dig into my flower beds.  If they keep it up they are going to find themselves in a pot on my stove.

Honestly, that is all I got.  Nothing too exciting I know.  I really could go on a tangent about some other crap but I will stay "confidential" about that.  Don't want to piss off the wrong people.

I'm Back and I'm Fuming!!

Hey all.  Yes, I have been out of the blogging world for a while.  The husband is currently not working which means I am working.  More than working actually.  More like slaving away for pennies.  So needless to say, blogging has taken a back seat to other needs, such as sleep, oh and Pinterest.

After watching the news tonight I knew this was a story I couldn't pass up.  Family Locked in Restaurant After Refusing to Tip for Bad Service. 

It seems this family down in Texas went out to dinner with a group of people.  Also seems that the restaurant they chose to go to has a policy of adding a 17 percent tip onto table of five or more (although it doesn't say this on the link, on the news they showed the menu at the restaurant that clearly states this policy).  The cheap ass people decided not to pay and got locked in the restaurant and the cops were called.  First of all, bravo to the management for backing up your staff.  Secondly, bravo to the cops for making them pay it.

I don't know how many times I have to tell people this.  Waitstaff do not make a liveable wage.  Here in Massachusetts we make $2.68 an hour.  Oh and that is after the raise we just got, it was $2.63 an hour until a few weeks ago.  We survive on tips.  Also we do not pocket all that we are given.  We have to tip out bussers, bartenders, food runners and whoever else the company you work for decides you need to.

I have heard people say that they shouldn't have to pay the wages of the restaurants.  Ok so you want us to get a regular wage?  For starters, enjoy watching the price of the food you eat skyrocket.  Restaurants keep prices lower by not having to pay the staff as much.  Second, get used to crappy service.  Do you people really think that servers would take some of the crap you expect of us and get minimum wage for it.  Nope, not gonna happen.  You are going to end up being served by idiots that constantly screw up your order and are rude to you because the restaurants won't be able to get anybody else to do it.

Other people say that it shouldn't be automatic to add on a tip for large parties.  Let me try to make this clear.  As servers we get only a few tables in our section.  Usually four of five tables.  If you bring in ten people chances are you just took up three of my tables.  If you screw me on my tip it screws up my whole shift.  It means I am basically working for my $2.68 and hour and nothing else.  Then after taxes are taken out of that I usually end up having paid out of my own pocket to wait on you.  Is that fair?  I don't think so.

The people in this story are claiming that they had bad service.  Maybe they did, maybe they didn't.  It does happen but not as often as people like this claim.  I am thinking it is more likely that they are just cheap.  They knew the rules when they came in and looked at the menu.  If they didn't it was their own fault for not paying more attention.  If they didn't want to tip they should have gone to McDonald's.

Needless to say, this story really got under my skin.  Sorry about the ranting, and sorry about my absence, but I must say, I feel better now.

Wait, didn't we just have vacation.

Here in Massachusetts it is the start of April Vacation.  The sun is shining, the flowers are blooming, and the weather is warm.  A perfect time for the kids to have the week off from school, right?  Wrong!! (According to a dear friend of mine there is no perfect week for the kids to be off from school, and I usually don't disagree.)

Maybe I wouldn't mind April vacation if we didn't just have a week off seven weeks ago in February, and then seven weeks before that in December.  Plus in nine more weeks it will be two full months off.  Where does the insanity stop.

It is not that I don't like spending time with my kids because some of the time I actually do.  And I usually am fond of Summer Vacation because it means I get to catch up with my BFF that I don't see much the rest of the year due to crazy schedules (she has a pool, we practically live there in the summer).   It's just that how are we preparing are kids for the real world when they are out of school more than they are in it?

I know, I know, you are all saying I am evil and kids should be kids while they still can.  Well yes, I am evil and kids should have fun, but they need to learn that life is not all fun and games.  It can suck, a lot.  The sooner they learn that the better.  Perhaps then we wouldn't have so many kids coming out of college thinking they are entitled to a high paying job just because, well because.

Maybe I shouldn't be bitching because I actually am kid free this week.  My parents live in Vermont and they have the kids this week.  Plus I am a lunch lady at the school so I get the week off too.  Parrrrrtttttyyyyy!  Um no.  I will be working my other job all week, to make up for the week of pay I am losing out on at the school (heaven forbid the lunch ladies get paid vacations).  I think I would rather have a root canal.

Working school vacation week at the restaurant I work at is pure hell.  All the parents that had to take the week off are looking for things for their kids to do so they take them out to lunch.  I deal with more little buggers over vacation week then I do working at a school full of them.  Plus, these kids are with their parents and one thing I have learned is there are a lot of sucky parents out there.  At least at school the kids are fairly well behaved.  Kids out with their useless parents are nightmares.  They think they have the run off the place and can do what they want and the parents think they are getting a free babysitter out of the deal while they throw back the cocktails.

If I survive this week it will be a bloody miracle.  I might be popping some of my husband's Valium prescription to get through.  Just so I can do it all over again in June. 

50 Shades of Porn

There are two things about myself that I know to be true and will always admit.  One is that I love to read.  Yes, more than anything else out there I love a great book and read at least one, usually 2 or 3 a week.  The other thing is that I am frugal, um ok, actually cheap.  I hate paying for books.  I almost never do it.

I am a frequent flier at my local library.  I go online, put books on hold and wait for that happy call telling me they are ready to be picked up.  It is very rare for me to not find a book I want in my library system.  There are about 20 libraries linked together with my town and they share all their books.  It really rocks because my town's actual selection of books is really crappy.  I am also a big fan of borrowing from friends.  My friend Sandy is my favorite source for this.  She has a stellar collection and is always willing to lend them out.

I have now run into a problem however.  Everybody is talking about this book, "50 Shades of Grey".  I have a bunch of friends reading it now.  They all have Kindles so there is nothing for me to borrow.  I went to the library website to put it on hold and thought it was odd that they didn't have it in their catalog.  I really had no idea what this book was about so I went online and did a little research.  Interesting results I found.

It turns out this book is basically porn without the pictures.  I think one site described it as erotica.  At least now I know why the library doesn't have it.  Of course now I want to read it even more.  I am a 37 year old mother of 2 that has been married for almost 13 years.  I obviously need some new ideas to spice up life. 

Now I face the dilemma.  I seriously hate buying books.  I feel no need to spend money on what I can get for free.  But I can't get this one for free.  I do own a few books but it takes me a lot to actually purchase one.  I have to seriously love them to buy.  I am one of those moms that owns the entire Twilight Series, and also The Hunger Games books.  Other than that, nope, nothing.  So please tell me my friends, is it worth the 9 bucks on Amazon?

Moses and Indiana Jones, all in one post.

Happy Easter and Passover to all.  The baskets are opened and the kids are bugging me to hide the plastic eggs so we can have our hunt.  Ummm ok kiddies, let mama blog first, or at least wake up. 

They keep offering me Peeps.  I freaking love Peeps.  They are my favorite food on the face of the earth.  Do Peeps counts as food?  I am trying really hard to be good today.  Weight Watchers is going so well.  I am down 39.2 pounds as of today (I took my weigh in a day early do to possible Easter debauchery) and I really don't want to screw it up.  Hell, I even made WW's friendly coconut cupcakes that I found on Pinterest for dessert today.  But I really want a Peep, or 2 or a whole package.

I am also trying to put off cleaning my house today.  We are having my 97 year old grandmother over today.  She is a stubborn Irish women and I feel like I have to make everything perfect so she doesn't go report bad things back to my mother.  Last time she was here she complained about my thermostat.  Yes of all things, my thermostat.  I knew I should have gone to lunch with my Aunt and Cousin, would make my life much easier.  But alas, I am being a good Catholic and a good granddaughter.

I am still a bit bummed that we lost power last night for a few minutes do so some stupidity at National Grid.  I know it was only a minute or two that it was out but we were watching the Ten Commandments when it happened.  It was when the Angel of Death was creeping around and killing all the first born.  That is my favorite part, well expect for the parting of the Red Sea, and the Burning Bush, of and when he throws the tablets at the Golden Cow.  Well, at least we got to see the end.  The end always brings two thoughts to my head.  The first is why can't poor Moses go to the promised land?  That is just so wrong.  And second.  When they talk about the Ark of the Covenant I keep thinking about what happens if you open that suckers.  Hello Indiana Jones!!!

Ok I am done, somewhat awake now, gotta go hide some plastic eggs, clean some toilets (and the thermostat) and cooks some Ham.  Have a great day everybody.

Let's see who I can offend today.

Could somebody please explain the Easter Bunny to me?  I can't wrap my head around how we use a giant rabbit to symbolize the holiest day in the Christian calender.  Last time I checked Easter was about Christ dying and rising again.  I know I am not the best Catholic out there but I am pretty sure I have that one right.  So where exactly did the vermin come from?

The other thing I don't understand is why in order to celebrate any Christian holiday we have to have a huge marketing gimmick meant to make us empty our wallets.  Can we not celebrate without buying our kids something?  I think it is safe to say that most kids out there today don't even know why we celebrate these holidays.  It is all about Santa and Bunnies and whatever else will come up next. 

It is also Passover this coming week, where is the Passover Bunny?  Oh that is right, the Jewish people seem to actually respect their religion and don't feel the need to turn it into something it isn't. 

Oh I was wrong, there is a Passover Bunny!

I know, I know I am bitching, and I am a hypocrite because I just finished dying the damn eggs with the boys, and I bought them baskets.  I feel like if I don't my kids will feel like they are missing out on what their friends get to do.  I am a sucker for peer pressure.  I just want the insanity to stop and my wallet to stop being raped.

Damn Chickens

I am happy to say that this hell week is over.  It has been a rough one, but thankfully we have hit Sunday night.  I did a whole lot of that "helping others" stuff that as a Catholic has been drilled into my head throughout the years so I am thinking I earned some brownie points with the man upstairs.  So maybe I will be excused when I sleep in or Easter Sunday.

I did breakdown and do some yard work today.  I raked the backyard last week after some peer pressure from George, my over achieving neighbor.  However, it is my front that is a disaster.  I was discussing the situation with my husband this morning and told him it needed to be done.  He said he wasn't doing it because he threw his back out last weekend.  Just great for me.  At any rate, I went to the grocery store with plans to do it when I returned.

When I pulled into the driveway after my shopping I was shocked to find my kids raking.  Trying to get my kids to do yard work is nearly impossible, but they actually looked willing.  When I stepped out of the car my oldest came running over and said, "Daddy said you would give us cash if we raked the yard."  Fantastic daddy.  When I was a kids I never was paid to do yard work.  It was expected of me.  But whatever, it was getting done and I was glad for that.

After I finished putting the groceries away I grabbed a rake and went out to help.  I hate raking.  I would honestly rather have my fingernails ripped out but hey, you gotta do what you gotta do.  I spent the better part of the afternoon working away.  The flower beds are done and part of the lawn.  I need to go rent a mower with a bag attachment to do the rest because the damn grass has already grown too high.  If I cut it with my mower before I rake all it is going to do is scatter tiny pieces of crap to rake up.  Unfortunately the rental place is closed on Sundays (which I really don't get, isn't that when people do their yard work).

I was pretty damn proud of myself for the job I did.  I caved to the kids and instead of giving them cash I got them a cheap, used Wii game.  When I was away to get it my husband let the chickens out.  I have a love hate relationship with the chickens.  I love the eggs they produce, I hate everything else.  They crap all over the place and dig up everything.  Usually they are confined to the backyard so it isn't too bad (sometimes they hop the fence and go into George's backyard to forage, I can't really blame them, his yard rocks).  However, my darling husband left the back gate open.  When I returned home the damn chickens had just destroyed my flower beds that I worked so hard to clean.

After my screaming fit the kids put the damn things back in the coop.  I am now dreaming up lots of wonderful chicken recipes to make for dinner this week.  Because unless my husband builds them the run he has been promising me for the past year they are all going into the frying pan.

Mega Millions Here I Come

The news keeps talking about this gigantic Mega Millions Lottery jackpot up for grab on Friday.  Last check we were at $476 million dollars.  Oh what I could do with that kind of money.  So I thought maybe if I shared my list with the world God would see my great ideas and bless me with some luck.

1) Burn my house to the ground.
     Yes you heard me, this sucker would be toast.  My house is about a million years old and poorly built.  It is a kit house from some company like Sears from back in the day.  I hate it but am stuck in it thanks to the wonderful housing market crash.  Thought it would be great for a starter house, which is was but now we have outgrown it and are stuck in hell.

2) Get the Hell Out of Massachusetts
     Yup, don't know where I would go but it certainly wouldn't be here.  Maybe buy a house in Ireland since my husband is from there and another in Vermont near my parents.  Who knows, all I know is that it will be far away from Taxachusetts and I will no longer be a Masshole.

3) Make a huge donation to charity.
     I think the Make a Wish Foundation would be first, love what they do for kids.  Then I would donate to battered women across the world and probably some cancer charity.  But I can tell you one thing, AT LEAST HALF of my money would be heading to charity.

4) Buy a new Kia
    Yes, I know, with $476 million dollars I could do a lot better than a Kia but what I can say, I love my car.  It was dirt cheap and has been great.

5) Pay off the mortgages of all of my friends and family (at least the ones I like)
    Obviously my parents would come first (oh wait, they don't have a mortgage, ugh) ok then my brother (oh wait he doesn't own a house, oh I will buy him one), of course Alan's parents and brothers and sisters (except No Balls and the other jack ass they get nothing), my bff of course and Jenn and Katie, can't leave them out.  Oh this could be expensive, oh well, I will have money to burn, right?

6) Hire a personal chef
    Yup, sick of cooking, enough said there.

7) Travel to every state in the USA
     Except New Jersey that is, who the hell would want to go there?

8) Quit both my jobs
     Yes, that probably should be first but whatever, see ya suckers.

9)Spend a lot of time volunteering
    I feel that if you are blessed you should give back.  So I will, a lot.

10) Sleep
      For at least a week straight.  I am going to hires somebody to take care of my husband and kids for a week and just sleep.  I have to catch up on ten years of minimal sleep.  Maybe I should make that two weeks, or a month.

So there you have it.  No huge goals, no greed, just a nice comfortable life.  I think I deserve that, right?  I know my chances are nil and none (especially because I haven't bought a ticket yet) but a girl has to be prepared.

Sharing my Love!

Ok, I don't have a lot of time to write today as I am heading off to see the Hunger Games tonight with the girls.  I can't wait, I am giddy with excitement.  However, since I haven't posted in a few days I figured you would all think I was dead so I am popping on to say hello and do something I have never done on my blog before.

Today I am asking all my fellow bloggy friends to go check out a new blog that was started by somebody near and dear to my heart.  It is freaking hysterical and I know some of the stories she is planning to write about and I know you are all in for a big treat, and some pee yourself from laughing moments.  So check her out, follow her and turn her into the attention whore that you have all turned me into.

Now all of you go click on the link, read the posts (especially the second one) and click that follow button, oh and comment, no attention whore is complete without the comments.
Dating after Disney

It's Not My Fault you're an Idiot.

People never fail to amaze me, especially when I am at my waitressing job.  I had yet another group of people that lacked any kind of sense at all and should never be allowed to go out in public. 

It was this past Friday night and I was told I would be waiting on a large table.  Good, no problem, might make some money.  They all arrived on time and were seated by our lovely hostesses and I was rejoicing in the fact that there were no small children with them.  It is always my luck that when I get large parties it is all kids which means kid meals and constant drink refills.  Not to mention the parents rarely control them and it is just a suck fest in general.  However, by the end of the night I would have preferred the kids.

Turns out these people were here to celebrate one of the guest's 21st birthday.  That was another good sign.  Booze equals tips, generally.  I start taking drink orders and the girl whose birthday it was ordered her drink and I asked for ID, just like I had every other person that ordered.  She hands me her license and I knew I was in trouble.  Turns out that her birthday was the previous day and that her license had expired at midnight on her birthday.  It is against the law for me to accept the ID.  I informed her that it was expired and asked if she had anything else.  She told me she went and got her license renewed and handed me the piece of paper the RMV gives you until your license arrives.  Problem is I can't take that either.  It states in big black writing across it THIS IS NOT A VALID FORM OF ID.

Now I have 24 pissed off people.  I asked if she had a passport but it turns out she left it at home.  Her parents informed that they were there when she was born and could vouch for her.  Ah....ya.....the State of Massachusetts doesn't consider that a valid form of ID either.  I told them they could talk to the manager and they were happy with that as they figured they would get him to approve.

I ran over and got my manager and filled him it.  He went right over and the girl's drunk boyfriend got in his face.  Then the parents gave it to him.  He explained the policy of the restaurant and the laws in the State.  They countered him with "they accepted it at Chili's".  Well good for Chili's, let them get screwed.  They informed the manager that they were going to go to the bar next door and he said they could try but it wouldn't be accepted there.  They called the bar and were told again that they would not be let in.  So they were stuck.

They stayed and ate dinner. They were pissed at me the whole time and it was a very crappy night because of it.  I can't understand why people don't get that the law is the law.  If I had served her and been caught I would have been fined $2000.  Yes, me, not the restaurant.  Granted the restaurant would be fined as well, maybe even lose their liquor license but they wouldn't have to pay MY fine.  I don't understand why people would be willing to put a hard working waitress in that position over a drink.

So there it was, another stellar night in my life.  One of these day I will win the lottery and won't have to deal with crap like this anymore.  Someday soon I hope.

Yes, I am the Underachieving Home Owner.

Here in Stoughton, Massachusetts it is absolutely freaking beautiful outside.  There isn't a cloud in the sky, it is warm and spring is definitely in the air.  I ran around and opened all the windows in my house.  The breeze was blowing and I smelled something fabulous.  It was a scent I loved but I had trouble placing it, it had been months since I smelled it last.  It couldn't be, could it?  Then as I heard the buzzing through my bedroom window I confirmed my suspicion, fresh cut grass, in March.  Needless to say the lawn mowing that was being done certainly wasn't coming from my yard but from George, my neighbor for the past twelve years, also known as the man with the fantastic yard.

I really do love spring but what I dread is the yard work.  I don't think dread is the right more, more like hate, despise, loath.  In the fall I usually let the leaves lie where they land, hoping that some wind will take them away (and into George's yard, he is much better it picking them up than me) but alas, it never happens.  That means that come spring time I am left with a big pile of crap to deal with and no motivation to do it.  At the moment my back yard is pretty much dirt.  Last summer we got rid of the swing set that the kids never used anymore and it left a big gaping mud pit in it's place.  We planned to plant grass, planned being the operative word.

So now here is George, out mowing is beautiful lawn and I start feeling guilty.  Should I be out doing the same?  Or should I pick up a rake and get rid of the leaves.  Damn, it is Sunday, my one day off of the week, do I really need to spend it like that?  Tomorrow is Monday, I would much rather do it then because after all, nobody likes Mondays.  Oh wait, back to work tomorrow so that's out.  Ugh, the guilt was really mounting.  Thoughts of how fresh and clean the yard looks after a good raking crossed my mine.  I could rake and then BBQ, it was a perfect night to BBQ and I wouldn't want to with the yard looking like crap.  Decisions, Decisions, what to do?

Well, I ended up doing what every other underachieving home owner does.  I got my husband and kids together, loaded them into the car and left.  Left the smell of cut grass, left my shabby looking lawn and most importantly left the sound of the lawn mower next door reminding me that I am just delaying the inevitable, another year of lackluster landscaping.  And I loved every second of it, enjoying a beautiful day out with my family.

Where Everybody Knows Your Name....As Long As Your Name is Sean.

Saint Patrick's Day is upon us and for some reason it always makes me reminisce of the old days.  You know those day, back before kids and serious responsibilities?  When your life was your own and you did a lot of crazy stuff (most of which is very hard to remember).  I was chatting with a friend of mine today about friends from the past and he asked a good question.  He said, "When am I going to see a blog about Sugrue's Pub?"  So in honor of St. Paddy himself, welcome to Sugrue's Pub.

Back when I was in college there was a guy who lived across the hall from me named Dean.  I never realized when I met him my freshman year the adventures I would have thanks to him and his friends from his hometown of Quincy, Ma.  His friends and his girlfriend used to come up to UMASS to party all the time.  They were always a lot of laughs and I became close with all of them.  What I never realized all those weekends at school was that in their native setting they were not just a lot of laughs but they were the craziest, funnest bunch of people on the face of the earth.

My first summer home from school I was invited to Sugrue's Pub for the first time.  I remember Dean calling me and telling me to head over because everybody was going there.  My first question was how I was going to get in as I was still just 19 years old.  I got a laugh at that question and was assured it wouldn't be a problem.  I got in my car and drove into Quincy.  Turns out that Sugrue's Pub wasn't a pub at all, it was actually the somewhat finished basement of our friend Mike Sugrue's house.  It was where all those crazy people I had met over the past year hung out and partied.  It was dark, a bit dingy, cramped and the best place on earth.

The first thing I learned at the Pub was that half of the patrons where named Sean.  It was an Irish town after all.  We had Sean Conroy, Sean Hannon, Shawn Dougherty (ok he spelled his name the fake way but whatever), Sean Sugrue and a few more that came and went.  It was also the first time I realized that to the Irish the name Kerry worked for not just girls but boys too.  Although I had grown up with Irish heritage my eyes were opened to just how great being Irish could be.

These new friends taught me how to enjoy every minute of life.  We drank, we laughed, we cried, we watched a lot of sports.  I learned how important Larry Bird really was and why it was a must for all to touch the Larry Legend poster whenever our team was losing and Larry would make things better.  I learned that Sugrue's Pub was just as great as the Boston Garden because it too had obstructed view seats to watch the big game in.  We played every drinking game known to man and even made up a few of our own.  The vegetable game was the best.  Just watching Lisa Gilman trying to say rutabaga three times in a row without showing her teeth when she was shitfaced will forever be etched my my memory.

I spent many night sleeping on a random couch, or the floor or whatever spot I could find.  There was no need to drive drunk after a night spend at the Pub.  Everybody was welcome to crash.  The rug had absorbed so much spilled beer through the years that it was actually kind of like a water bed to sleep on.   At one point or another I had a crush on somebody at the Pub.  Dean was the only one who was safe because his girlfriend Kim would have kicked my ass if I even thought about it.  And my friends Liz and Jessica found a few of the guys to be charming as well.

I could go on for hours with all of the memories I have of this time in my life and these great people I knew.  I am sure I will revisit some stories in my blog as time goes on.  It was one of the best times in my life and I miss it so much sometimes.  I will have to contact some of the guys about a reunion and the near future because that I am sure would be great fodder to write about.  So until then, Happy Paddy's Day!!!!

The crew on Halloween

How I Met Your Father.

The other day my oldest asked me how I met his father (also known as my husband).  Truth is, I couldn't come up with a child friendly way to explain it to him.  He ended up with, "It was a long time ago, in a galaxy far far away".  The good thing is that all of you wonderful people who read my blog get to hear the real story as I am assuming your virgin ears won't be tarnished.  And a good story it is.

The year was 1998, I was a year out of college and working a real job and living in a crappy apartment with some friends in wonderful Quincy, Massachusetts.  I was loving life.  I partied hard and often (ok all of you co workers of mine that are reading this, yes, it is true, I haven't always been an old mother prude).  My second home was at a little dive Irish bar called Sarsfield's.

Now what was so special about Sarsfield's you ask?  Well, for starters it was a major sausage fest and I almost never had to pay for a drink.  For another it was a two dollar cab ride home.  And for a third, it was a haven for the Irish.  Being a good Irish American girl I felt the need to mingle with those from the home land.  Oh and did I mention I almost never had to pay for a drink?

But to get back to the story at hand, I was hanging at Sarsfield's with my crazy ass friend Liz one Sunday night (June 14th to be exact).  It was usually Liz that I dragged to the bar with me as she could throw them back like nobody else I knew and was always a good conversation piece because of all of her various tattoos (this was back before tattoos were as hot as they are now).  We were sitting at a table having a drink when we realized that we were being stared down by an "interesting" group of guys across the bar.  By interesting I mean two head bangers with hair down to their asses, a skin head and a guy with enormous ears. 

Liz and I, back in the day.

After being ogled for about a half and hour the one with the ears walked over with two fresh Bud Lights and handed them to us and said that he and the boys wanted to buy us a drink.  He put them down and walked away, back to his table.  Liz and I just looked at each other and shook out heads.  Naive Irish boys, obviously they were a little green in the way of life in America.  Liz, being Liz, stood up, walked over to the guys and explained to them that it would in fact be alright for them to come over and talk with us, they did buy us a drink after all.  They pulled over some chairs and the craic began.  (For those of you not versed in Irish slang craic basically means fun).

See what I mean about the ears.  So cute.

It turns out that this "interesting" group of guys was actually a riot.  Granted, they were so fresh off the boat we could only understand about half of what they were saying between the thick brogues and the insane amount of alcohol we consumed.  At one point I think I agreed to some rather scandalous behavior out of share misunderstanding which thankfully never happened.  The skin head was all over Liz and it was clear that the one with the ears was infatuated with me (duh, of course he was, who wouldn't be).  We danced like crazy and I spent most of the time on the dance floor removing hands from my breasts.  We closed out the bar and said our good nights and I figured that was the end of that story.

The longhairs with the owner of Sarsfield's.  And those are not wigs.  They dyed their hair white for a Gaelic Football match.

Turns out I was wrong.  A couple of nights later we returned to the bar to find ears and the longhairs checking us out again.  The skin head was no where to be seen and to this day my husband swears he wasn't there the first night.  Liz would beg to differ on that one as he was a bit on the creepy side.  The boys came over with drinks again and this time sat down.  Turns out that we never actually found out their names that first night so that was a bit awkward so we were re introduced to Alan, Brad and Mark.  The night turned into another blurry beer and dance filled event.  As did several more in the upcoming weeks.

Three weeks later Alan moved in with me.  Six months later we were engaged and six months after that we were married.  It was a bit whirlwind to say the least.  Liz never did get involved with the longhairs (I think she was holding out hope that the skin head would come back) but she always came along for the fun and because she could actually translate what the hell Alan was saying most of the time.

 It was been almost fourteen years since that night.  Alan's ears have thankfully evened out with his head.   I can understand every word that comes out of his mouth now.  We have two wonderful children.  Neither one of us drinks at all anymore and life could not be any better.  For anybody out there that thinks you can't find the perfect person at a bar I beg to differ.  That is where I found my prince.

Pure happiness!