Tips for dining out so that your server won't hate you.

Last night at work was one of my all time worst nights.  I know I say that almost every week but I mean it this time.  It made me think that it would be a good idea to give the jackasses out there that have no idea of how to act in a restaurant some hints.

1) Don't act like you own the place.  

    Last night I had a guy come in who was a reject from Jersey Shore.  He thinks he is God's gift but he is really just an ass.  He used to come in all the time but recently not as much (lucky for us).  First thing he did was bitch because he didn't like the glass his drink came in.  He even asked to see a manager and ended up with a free drink because of it.  WTF!!!!!  You don't like out glasses, buy your own place then you can order whatever you want.  He was rude, condescending and wore way too much Drakkar Noir (who the hell still wears that crap anyways?)  By the end of the night he had gotten a free drink, a free app, and a major ass kissing.  And on top of it all he left a shitty tip.

2) Don't let you kids out of their chairs.

    I don't know why some parents think that every restaurant is their kids own private playground with free babysitter included.  I am so fed up with little monsters running around everywhere, bothering other guests and trying to cause as much damage as possible all while their parents are downing martinis and ignoring them.  Then those same parents will be the first to sue when there toddler runs into a server with a tray of hot coffee and dumps it all over them.  

3) Don't try to be "helpful" and take a drink off the tray the server is holding.

    Servers are very good at balancing several things at one time. However, we know what we are doing, you do not.  We set up our drinks on the tray a certain way for a reason, we know which ones to take off first and which order to do it.  I know you think you are helping but when you grab your beer and then the server ends up with an entire glass of wine dumped down her bra it kind of pisses us off. 

4) Don't take it out on your server if your food is cooked wrong.

    9 times out of 10 when you steak is overcooked or your chicken is raw it is not the server's fault.  It is the people who cook it.  Don't let it effect your tip, especially if we take care of it right away.

5) Don't let your kids order shirley temples.

     Do you no realize that your already hyper 4 year old that is already causing chaos is only going to get worse when you give them a glass of sugar topped off with more sugar?  

6) Don't walk in on a Saturday night (or any other night) with 20 of your closest friends and expect to be sat right away.

    I really don't get people that do this.  Have they never been out in public before?  Do they not realize that restaurants just don't have a giant table ready and waiting at any given time.  There is a thing out there called a telephone, use it!  Give us a little notice and we can make it work for you and if we can't then we will save you the trip.

7) Don't go to a restaurant if you are not planning to eat.

     Last night I had two people come in and sit down, order 2 waters and nachos and sit for 3 hours.  They said they weren't hungry and just wanted to talk.  WTF!!!!  I have 4 tables in my section and you are taking one away so you can talk.  Can't you find someplace else to do that.  Not to mention, when the restaurant is on an hour wait and there are lots of people wanting to eat and you are preventing them from doing that you are just a jack ass.

 8) Always leave an appropriate tip

     Servers make $2.63 and hour.  On top of that we have to share our tips with runners, bartenders, bussers, etc.  When you screw us you are screwing a whole lot of people.  If you don't want to leave a tip when you go out to eat then go to McDonalds.

9) Don't overstay your welcome.

     When you look around and there is nobody else in the restaurant except of the employees, the lights are turned up and the TV's are off it is usually a good sign that you should leave now.  I don't understand how people don't get this.  The place is closed, time to go, is that so hard to understand?

10) Don't act like you are better than us.

      So you are a high class CEO, good for you.  I am a server.  I do it for a reason, so I can be a good mom to my kids.  Others do it because they are trying to get through college, some just like it (granted I don't know many of them), but the fact is we all have our reasons, it makes us no less of a person.  Treat us with the respect we show you.

Well, I could go on and on but I am starting to have flash backs of last night.  To all my friends out there, I know you are all good patrons, but you all know somebody who isn't.  For my fellow servers, feel free to comment with anything I left out as I am sure you can all come up with many more.

And may I suggest that everybody watches the movie Waiting.  A truer story has never been told.